Elise ✘ a.k.a Ryder's Pet ✘ > Books: he-she-is-a-docter‎ (32)

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Not bad, but not good either*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Not bad, but not good either*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

Defaulting into planning mode was what Cole did best. The need to fill the gap, to ease the look on his friend’s face, was disturbing. After their parents died, Brad had been left to care for Danny. And he’d nearly killed himself trying.
Cole’s job was to look after Brad.

Cole took in the angular lines of Brad’s face. He’d missed his company. For the four years they’d been roommates, they’d practically been attached at the hip. His hell-on-wheels friend could talk him into anything. Cole got into, and out of, more trouble with Brad than during the previous twenty-one years of his life.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Not bad, but not good either*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

Defaulting into planning mode was what Cole did best. The need to fill the gap, to ease the look on his friend’s face, was disturbing. After their parents died, Brad had been left to care for Danny. And he’d nearly killed himself trying.
Cole’s job was to look after Brad.

Cole took in the angular lines of Brad’s face. He’d missed his company. For the four years they’d been roommates, they’d practically been attached at the hip. His hell-on-wheels friend could talk him into anything. Cole got into, and out of, more trouble with Brad than during the previous twenty-one years of his life.

When we emerged from the tub, I asked Aleksey where I was to sleep, and he took my hand and led me to a large bedchamber with one huge bed hung with curtains. He looked at me and pouted a little. “I had thought that we would be more intimate by this stage—that you would be content to share a bed with me. I’m sorry. Perhaps you would—” I caught him around the waist, heaved him into the air, and, ignoring his furious objection to being so manhandled, dumped him on the bed, then straddled him.
“You are very masterful, sir.”
I groaned at his coquettish demeanor and tapped him disapprovingly on the nose. “That kind of language, sir, will get you into trouble. Be wary, or I will solve our problem for us by turning you over and showing you how masterful I can be.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A dangerous royal affair* ⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

I determined there and then not to underestimate this prince of mine again. He was not vacuous and flighty, as he liked to give the impression he was. And why was I calling him my prince? He was strong wine: something I thought about consuming but knew would be bad for me.

I had come a long way to forget, a long way for a new beginning. You cannot have one of those, I suppose, without an ending, and there had been no real ending. I had the horror inside still, carried all the way from that accursed country to this new one.

When we emerged from the tub, I asked Aleksey where I was to sleep, and he took my hand and led me to a large bedchamber with one huge bed hung with curtains. He looked at me and pouted a little. “I had thought that we would be more intimate by this stage—that you would be content to share a bed with me. I’m sorry. Perhaps you would—” I caught him around the waist, heaved him into the air, and, ignoring his furious objection to being so manhandled, dumped him on the bed, then straddled him.
“You are very masterful, sir.”
I groaned at his coquettish demeanor and tapped him disapprovingly on the nose. “That kind of language, sir, will get you into trouble. Be wary, or I will solve our problem for us by turning you over and showing you how masterful I can be.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A dangerous royal affair* ⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

I determined there and then not to underestimate this prince of mine again. He was not vacuous and flighty, as he liked to give the impression he was. And why was I calling him my prince? He was strong wine: something I thought about consuming but knew would be bad for me.

I had come a long way to forget, a long way for a new beginning. You cannot have one of those, I suppose, without an ending, and there had been no real ending. I had the horror inside still, carried all the way from that accursed country to this new one.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contain spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contain spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“All I want is for you to realize that what you do does not dictate the kind of man you are. What you do and who you are, are two separate things.”

“Jesus, Weber,” he said, and his voice was broken and needy and surrendering. “Baby, I respect you more than anyone else I know. You have done everything you wanted, your way, and you went for your dream instead of just sitting on your ass and talking about it.”
“But I didn’t make it,” I reminded him. “I ain’t a professional bull rider.”
“But you tried,” he assured me, easing free of my grip, rolling to his knees, rising over me. I had to tip my head up to hold his gaze before he straddled my hips, sliding into my lap. “Most people never even have the balls to try.”

“I’m so sorry, Cy. Just when the damn thing was healin’, I show up and tear off the bandage and make it start to bleed all over again.”

“Well, I’m not.”
“You’re not what?”
“A stockbroker. Pay attention.”
He huffed out a breath “No, you’re not.”
“We both know you can do better’n me.”
“We believe two completely different truths,” he assured me, hand on the nape of my neck, stroking, the other now clutching at my shirt.

I watched the dogs lying beside the crackling fireplace and decided that someday I would have the same thing. Smaller and probably just one dog, but the same warm family home. It was my dream.
“You’re smiling,” Angie said out of the blue, which brought the conversation to a halt as she zeroed in on me.
“Yes, ma’am.” I sighed, so comfortable with Cy leaning on me, his thigh and knee pressed to mine.
“Why?”
“It’s just nice to be inside on a rainy night, makes you thankful.”
Her breath quavered. “Yes, it does.”
“Where is your family, Weber?” Mr. Benning asked me.
“I don’t have any family to speak of, sir.”
“Oh?”
I shook my head.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contain spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“All I want is for you to realize that what you do does not dictate the kind of man you are. What you do and who you are, are two separate things.”

“Jesus, Weber,” he said, and his voice was broken and needy and surrendering. “Baby, I respect you more than anyone else I know. You have done everything you wanted, your way, and you went for your dream instead of just sitting on your ass and talking about it.”
“But I didn’t make it,” I reminded him. “I ain’t a professional bull rider.”
“But you tried,” he assured me, easing free of my grip, rolling to his knees, rising over me. I had to tip my head up to hold his gaze before he straddled my hips, sliding into my lap. “Most people never even have the balls to try.”

“I’m so sorry, Cy. Just when the damn thing was healin’, I show up and tear off the bandage and make it start to bleed all over again.”

“Well, I’m not.”
“You’re not what?”
“A stockbroker. Pay attention.”
He huffed out a breath “No, you’re not.”
“We both know you can do better’n me.”
“We believe two completely different truths,” he assured me, hand on the nape of my neck, stroking, the other now clutching at my shirt.

I watched the dogs lying beside the crackling fireplace and decided that someday I would have the same thing. Smaller and probably just one dog, but the same warm family home. It was my dream.
“You’re smiling,” Angie said out of the blue, which brought the conversation to a halt as she zeroed in on me.
“Yes, ma’am.” I sighed, so comfortable with Cy leaning on me, his thigh and knee pressed to mine.
“Why?”
“It’s just nice to be inside on a rainy night, makes you thankful.”
Her breath quavered. “Yes, it does.”
“Where is your family, Weber?” Mr. Benning asked me.
“I don’t have any family to speak of, sir.”
“Oh?”
I shook my head.

I felt myself drifting to sleep, so pulled his face up to kiss him before I did and then frowned. His cheeks were wet with tears. I could taste them as I kissed him. I held him off. “What is wrong? Have I done something to upset you?” I was fairly sure I had not, for once, which was why I risked asking this.
He shook his head, but I would not let him turn from me. Eventually he said with some genuine distress, “Why is the world like this, Niko? We came here and said this was my kingdom and that my law applied here, but nothing has changed. We still have to pretend that we are not what we are to each other. I see you so upset at dinner, and I want to hold you and ask you what is wrong, as I would be able to if you were my wife. We ride side by side all day, and I want them to think what a beautiful couple we are and aren’t I lucky to have you, and other such nonsense that people think about two people who are in love. But none of that is for us, is it? We hide and lie and pretend and it is all shit!”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A truer, stronger bond* ⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Why is the world like this, Niko? We came here and said this was my kingdom and that my law applied here, but nothing has changed. We still have to pretend that we are not what we are to each other. I see you so upset at dinner, and I want to hold you and ask you what is wrong, as I would be able to if you were my wife. We ride side by side all day, and I want them to think what a beautiful couple we are and aren’t I lucky to have you, and other such nonsense that people think about two people who are in love. But none of that is for us, is it? We hide and lie and pretend and it is all shit!”

What can I say about living with Aleksey that would capture one fraction of the ecstasy and fury that are my everyday lot?

I felt myself drifting to sleep, so pulled his face up to kiss him before I did and then frowned. His cheeks were wet with tears. I could taste them as I kissed him. I held him off. “What is wrong? Have I done something to upset you?” I was fairly sure I had not, for once, which was why I risked asking this.
He shook his head, but I would not let him turn from me. Eventually he said with some genuine distress, “Why is the world like this, Niko? We came here and said this was my kingdom and that my law applied here, but nothing has changed. We still have to pretend that we are not what we are to each other. I see you so upset at dinner, and I want to hold you and ask you what is wrong, as I would be able to if you were my wife. We ride side by side all day, and I want them to think what a beautiful couple we are and aren’t I lucky to have you, and other such nonsense that people think about two people who are in love. But none of that is for us, is it? We hide and lie and pretend and it is all shit!”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A truer, stronger bond* ⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Why is the world like this, Niko? We came here and said this was my kingdom and that my law applied here, but nothing has changed. We still have to pretend that we are not what we are to each other. I see you so upset at dinner, and I want to hold you and ask you what is wrong, as I would be able to if you were my wife. We ride side by side all day, and I want them to think what a beautiful couple we are and aren’t I lucky to have you, and other such nonsense that people think about two people who are in love. But none of that is for us, is it? We hide and lie and pretend and it is all shit!”

What can I say about living with Aleksey that would capture one fraction of the ecstasy and fury that are my everyday lot?

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Sadly Disappointed*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

---------------BEFORE READING:---------------

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Fast Forward, Easy Read*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Fast Forward, Easy Read*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Enough.” Harlan, as the eldest, had always had a knack for ending their squabbles. “Look, Jonah, I know you don’t want us to leave. I get that, I really do. But we have to face facts. There hasn’t been another of our kind seen in what, twelve years now? And we’ve been a dying breed for a lot longer. Our only chance of survival in this world is integration. Become part of the human world and forget about where we came from.”

“I like who I am,” Jonah replied. “I’m proud of where we came from. I’m not going to just walk away and let our family’s legacy die with our father.”
Theo drained his glass and set it down on the table with a thunk.
“Let’s be real here. Our legacy died long before Dad did.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I had kinda expected more*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I had kinda expected more*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“As you know, Westbridge Biomedical has become one of the leaders in medical research and advancements in the country.”
“It was…”
“Yes, well, that’s what I’m here to speak to you about. My father feels that the company could benefit if you were to return—”
“Your father lost the right to feel anything when it comes to my involvement with Westbridge the moment he signed the buyout papers.”
“But—”
“Nope. I’m done. I poured everything I had into starting that company, but Philip sold out, pandering to investors and board members rather than the patients who relied on us. I couldn’t change his mind then, and I’m not masochistic enough to even want to try now.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Felt nothing*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Felt nothing*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“How long did it take for you to ‘embrace yourself’?” Ky asked.
“I was five years old at least.”
“That long, huh?” he said, lips quirked. Noah adopted the fake innocent look he seemed to favor. “What?” he said. “Kindergarten was a pivotal year for me.”

“Well,” Ky murmured. “That was easy.”
“Easy is my middle name,” he murmured back.
“I thought it was princess?”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I'm a horrible person*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

These feelings and emotions swamped him. Years of hidden hopes and dreams… and that joy… that devastating and.. so very, very new joy… came and it took Snow out of himself long enough to feel truly connected to someone else for the first time in his life.

“I want it all.”

Gabriel lifted his gaze to him, his eyes the only color on his pale face. “You told me to walk on my own.” A crooked smile curled his lips. “That was me walking on my own. I think I did pretty well, don’t you think? I scored two goals.”
Jared stared at him. “Don’t do this to yourself.”
“Why? Why do you care?”
Jared stepped closer and hauled him to his feet. “Are you trying to make me feel guilty? Is that it?”
Gabriel shrugged, looking aside, his jaw clenched.
Jared chuckled, shaking his head. “Are you kidding me? So what am I supposed to do? What? Stay by your side, watch you build a family, and be alone for the rest of my life?”
“You said you love me,” Gabriel said, still looking aside, his voice tight. “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t leave me.”
Jared inhaled sharply. “You can’t use this against me. Not this. Do you have any idea how much this sucks? Unrequited love isn’t fun.”

“You’re a weirdo,” he said, stroking Gabriel’s nape and dropping a kiss in his hair.
“But you love me anyway, right?” The neediness in Gabriel’s voice was impossible to miss.
“I love you,” Jared said. The words tasted bittersweet on his tongue, but it was also a relief to be able to say them. He tipped Gabriel’s face up and dragged his mouth gently across Gabriel’s jaw. “I love you.”
Gabriel practically melted into him, tucking his face into the crook of Jared’s neck. “I love you more,” he whispered, brushing his lips against Jared’s throat. A chaste kiss. Chaste words.
But there was nothing chaste about the way his body reacted. Jared’s heart was hammering in his chest, the familiar mix of want and longing, pain and euphoria coursing through his veins.
Jared closed his eyes and wondered if this was how it felt to be between heaven and hell.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*So lacking in depth, but I couldn't find anything else*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“I’m not depressed,” Gabriel said again, as if repeating this would make it true. “I’m just…I just have to wait it out. It will pass. It will. Jared said so.”
Claire cringed at the desperation mixed with belief in his voice. Jared said so. That thing was very far from passing.
What was it? Some kind of messed-up dependency? Love? Could platonic love be that strong? She didn’t know. She was afraid to ask. Afraid of the answer she’d get.
“You miss him,” she murmured, clenching her hands together.
Gabriel laughed. It was a horrible sound. “Miss? I don’t miss him. I…” He trailed off.
When he spoke again, his voice was barely audible and full of resentment, “I just feel empty. Incomplete.”
Claire bit her lip. God.
“It’ll pass,” he whispered hoarsely, grabbing her hands and squeezing. “It will. I promise.”
His grip hurt, but she didn’t complain. “Okay,” she said with far more conviction than she felt. For their child’s sake, she had to believe in that.

“Jay, don’t do this. Please. I can’t—I can’t—”
“You can,” Jared said.“It’s time to walk on your own. You already did it once. You can do it again. This…our relationship…it’s not healthy for you.”
“I don’t give a fuck.” Gabriel squeezed his arms tighter around him. “This is what I need. You.”

“You know the most fucked up part?” Gabriel said, his voice muffled a little. “If Claire falls in love with someone else, I’ll let her go. It would suck, but I would respect her decision. Because I want her to be happy. But it’s different with you. When I imagine you loving someone else—someone else being more important to you than me—it drives me mad. You’re mine. Mine and no one else’s.” His hand fisted Jared’s shirt. His voice became tight. “It’s fucking silly, but I honestly feel like—like you were created for me and no one else has the right to have you.” Gabriel chuckled, still hiding his face in Jared’s shoulder. “Say it: I’m a weirdo. I’m sick.”
[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A bit disappointed*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek, feeling a physical ache in his gut. He became acutely aware of the sound of the clock’s ticking. Time, slipping away.
He didn’t know what to do.
So he did what he always did when he felt lost, or angry, or upset: he closed his eyes, burrowed closer into Jared’s side and pretended the problems didn’t exist.
He was good at that—as long as he had Jared.
As long as he had Jared.
The clock ticked away.
[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Meh*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Meh*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Seeing you save that boy’s life today woke something in me. It made me realize what I want to fight for. I want the strength that you have. To strength to try and help people, even if you might fail.”

I try to explain in my own words, and I gesture to his chest. “It's in your bones; it's what keeps you alive. The foundation of your body. To suck out all the marrow of life... I think about how Thoreau went into the woods and stripped life to the barest necessities. To learn what life is really made of, the feeling of water slipping between fingers, the chilled glass in my hand, the wind that rustles your damn hair. And I think about how I feel these barest things every day with you. To live life at its most essential level so as to fully live.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Beautiful, yet I want more*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Dum spiro, spero,” he reads the Cicero quote. His eyes well up again.
On a day that rocked us both, he said he loved that quote. It was a quiet moment inside a storm. The memory is as tranquil as the quote itself.
‘While I breathe, I hope.’

“I’m lightning then, and you’re thunder. You always follow me every time I appear.”
[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*So damn meh*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*So damn meh*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“I’m also not concerned with tricks or seduction. Just show me you, Rome. I’ll be able to see through an act. I’ve had enough men act a certain way to get a certain something. I’m done with actors. Promise you’ll be real.” No more guys acting concerned, acting in love, acting… straight. He needed… wanted a real man.

“Do you want me to get rid of him for you, Cays? Because I will. Whatever you need me to do. Just ask.” Quick stood closer now. Looking large and damn sure in charge. It gave Cayson a warm feeling deep down that Quick wanted to help him… protect him. He spoke like it’d take an army to move him, to get close enough to harm Cayson.

If Joe acted like he wanted to hurt his sweet doctor, then Quick was going to stick the entire barrel of his pistol in his mouth and make him deep throat it like the pussy he was, then he’d pistol whip him with it. Yep. That was Quick. Fuck with someone he considered important, and a side of him no one wanted to meet came out.
[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contain spoilers* ⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contain spoilers* ⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Asher, my son. Let go of your past. It’s the only way you can take control of your future. Rise above your pain. Don’t grow old, alone and unloved like me. Find someone to share your life with. You’ve been the greatest source of comfort and joy to me. I wish you love and peace in your heart.”

“I want you so fucking much. I’m ready to explode. I don’t know why, and I don’t care. I’ve wanted you for what seems like forever, and tonight I’m not letting you go until I make you mine. And, baby, you will be mine, make no mistake about it.”

‘With a fierceness he didn’t know she possessed, Nana grabbed his arm. “I’m worried after our talk he might do something bad to himself. You think I’m too old that I don’t understand the ways of the world. I know he’s a homosexual, gay. Why should that matter to me? But something’s not right with him. He’s a very depressed man. Promise me after dinner you’ll go check on him. For me?”
Although there was nothing less he’d rather do than play babysitter to Asher Davis, he agreed, because he’d do anything for his grandmother.’

“I want it all.” He shocked himself, hardly recognizing his own strangled voice, distorted by desire, need and fear.
Ash stared up at Drew, eyes wide and diamond bright.
“Let’s go to bed, baby.”
And when Ash smiled, Drew knew right then his heart would be broken if this man left him in the end.

He wanted Ash. He cared. Lying here with this man, listening to him open his heart, made him realize how much he cared for and wanted Asher Davis. He swept the hair off Ash’s brow and kissed him. “I think you might be worth everything to me.”

“I wouldn't miss this fake-homo show for all the Gucci Shoes on Rodeo Drive.”

[image]

——————— DNF at 46% ———————

——————— DNF at 46% ———————

“You were never nobody,” he murmured. “Not to me, D.”

“Saw you out there in the garden. Looked so damn...fine,” he said, quietly. “Was like I hadta have ya, right then. Bubbled up like...I dunno, puke or somethin'.”
Jack chuckled. “You sure have a way with words, D.”

“Um ... You just want us to meet?”
“I want us to fuck. But I thought saying that first would be rude.”