Elise ✘ a.k.a Ryder's Pet ✘ > Books: read-more-than-once‎ (351)

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might Contain Spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might Contain Spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*What's wrong with me?*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Sometimes the choices others make take ours from us. Do you understand?”

[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might Contain Spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*What's wrong with me?*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Sometimes the choices others make take ours from us. Do you understand?”

[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Can't feel the connection*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Can't feel the connection*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]
Will pulled him forward, wrestling him into a kind of bear hug where they could hang on tight and neither had to see the other's expression. Taylor rested his face in the bare, warm curve of Will's uninjured shoulder and listened to the shuddery sounds of Will fighting his feelings. He could hear the slow, heavy pound of Will's heart, and though he was not much for poetry, he suddenly remembered lines from some forgotten time and place—all his times and places having led, it seemed, to this moment.
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats, Wakeful they lie.

[image]
“We're sticking together.”
“Would you listen to me?”
“Would you listen to me? I'm not leaving you out here.”
What a really bad time to get choked up, but Will was glaring at him, mouth thinned to a white line and eyes so bright they were glittering. Bad timing for both of them.
“Will…”
“I'm. Not. Leaving. You. Got that?”
Taylor took a deep breath. “It's okay. I know you'll come back.”
To his surprise, Will's hand closed on his shoulder and pulled him forward into a fleeting but adamant press of mouths.
“You're right. I will. Always.” He released Taylor and turned away. “Let's go. It can get dark fast in the mountains.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contain spoilers?*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats, Wakeful they lie.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Can't feel the connection*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]
Will pulled him forward, wrestling him into a kind of bear hug where they could hang on tight and neither had to see the other's expression. Taylor rested his face in the bare, warm curve of Will's uninjured shoulder and listened to the shuddery sounds of Will fighting his feelings. He could hear the slow, heavy pound of Will's heart, and though he was not much for poetry, he suddenly remembered lines from some forgotten time and place—all his times and places having led, it seemed, to this moment.
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats, Wakeful they lie.

[image]
“We're sticking together.”
“Would you listen to me?”
“Would you listen to me? I'm not leaving you out here.”
What a really bad time to get choked up, but Will was glaring at him, mouth thinned to a white line and eyes so bright they were glittering. Bad timing for both of them.
“Will…”
“I'm. Not. Leaving. You. Got that?”
Taylor took a deep breath. “It's okay. I know you'll come back.”
To his surprise, Will's hand closed on his shoulder and pulled him forward into a fleeting but adamant press of mouths.
“You're right. I will. Always.” He released Taylor and turned away. “Let's go. It can get dark fast in the mountains.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contain spoilers?*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats, Wakeful they lie.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I'm depressed*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]
“That's what got me thinking about all this. That day we went to Macy's and I was getting my card out and you paid with yours. I thought, he's got a credit card that I pay for with his name on it. And I know it's just for work, but still, it's like we're attached somehow.” He sighed and stared into my eyes. “I thought, this is how I want it to be. I don't just want to run your life at work, I want a say in it all the time. And even as a friend, I don't have enough power... so I started to think and this is what I came up with. You're going to be my brother.”

[image]
“It's gonna be done this time, you know? I can't keep running after you.”
“Sure,” I said as my eyes filled. “I know.”
“Do you even care?”
I cared more than I could even express. I had never, ever been crazier about anyone else. Sam Kage was the man of my dreams; it was too bad that being with him always became a nightmare.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Contains spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“You put me through it when you left, and I've been so...pissed... at you and then that night I saw you out and you look like you're okay you're fine without me, and—and I just wanted to take you home and... then the other night. What if you were hurt or killed or... what the fuck am I supposed to do? And that asshole tonight, he thinks he's got a shot with you... everybody thinks they've got a shot because I'm not around and... it's not gonna fuckin' happen! I will not allow it to happen. I want you with me all the time—can't have anyone else touching you or... you belong to me. You get that, right? You're mine. I think I'm gonna mark you—put my name on you so everybody knows that you're—”

“Everybody wants to touch you all the time. I'm the only one who can't when I want to be the only one that can.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I'm depressed*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]
“That's what got me thinking about all this. That day we went to Macy's and I was getting my card out and you paid with yours. I thought, he's got a credit card that I pay for with his name on it. And I know it's just for work, but still, it's like we're attached somehow.” He sighed and stared into my eyes. “I thought, this is how I want it to be. I don't just want to run your life at work, I want a say in it all the time. And even as a friend, I don't have enough power... so I started to think and this is what I came up with. You're going to be my brother.”

[image]
“It's gonna be done this time, you know? I can't keep running after you.”
“Sure,” I said as my eyes filled. “I know.”
“Do you even care?”
I cared more than I could even express. I had never, ever been crazier about anyone else. Sam Kage was the man of my dreams; it was too bad that being with him always became a nightmare.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Contains spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“You put me through it when you left, and I've been so...pissed... at you and then that night I saw you out and you look like you're okay you're fine without me, and—and I just wanted to take you home and... then the other night. What if you were hurt or killed or... what the fuck am I supposed to do? And that asshole tonight, he thinks he's got a shot with you... everybody thinks they've got a shot because I'm not around and... it's not gonna fuckin' happen! I will not allow it to happen. I want you with me all the time—can't have anyone else touching you or... you belong to me. You get that, right? You're mine. I think I'm gonna mark you—put my name on you so everybody knows that you're—”

“Everybody wants to touch you all the time. I'm the only one who can't when I want to be the only one that can.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*MY BABY TY*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“You’re not going to kill them, are you?” Cameron asked, shifting uneasily in the seat. “I mean, they’re just doing their jobs.”
“Not unless they make me,” Julian said as he looked back at Cameron. “The threat from Grady is negligible, but Garrett will kill both of us if he thinks he’s justified. Remember that before you get too attached to them.”

[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*MY BABY TY*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“You’re not going to kill them, are you?” Cameron asked, shifting uneasily in the seat. “I mean, they’re just doing their jobs.”
“Not unless they make me,” Julian said as he looked back at Cameron. “The threat from Grady is negligible, but Garrett will kill both of us if he thinks he’s justified. Remember that before you get too attached to them.”

[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Love the twist though*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Love the twist though*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]
“If we’re together, why am I in Paris and you’re getting ready to ship out to Iraq?”
“Good question,” Taylor said. The steadiness of his voice came as a surprise. “Best question, as a matter of fact.”
“And what’s the answer?”
“Maybe you just hit on the answer. Maybe this is the answer.”
Will sat down heavily on the side of the bed. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
Taylor stared at Will’s bent head, his drawn profile. “It means I don’t know the answer to your question. I didn’t want this separation. Paris was your choice. And maybe the fact that you’ve blocked out any memory of us as anything but friends and partners is the answer. Maybe that’s how you wish it was.” He let his breath out quietly. “In which case, that’s how it is.”

[image]
The bullet that might have ended everything—but somehow had meant a new beginning for them.
Smiling a little self-consciously, Will took Taylor’s hand in his.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A rambling review*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

The moonlight streaming through the sheer draperies revealed Taylor smiling, boneless and peaceful in Will's embrace. The most dangerous man Will knew rested sweetly in his arms, trusting him with his love as he trusted Will to guard his life. It was beyond precious. Life, love, was made up of fragile moments like these. Fragile as Paris moonlight.

Laroche was wrong about that, wrong about men not understanding love.
Anyway, most of the romantic poems and songs and paintings in the world were by men, so what was she talking about?

For the first time Will could remember, he didn’t know what to say to the person he would have said knew and understood him better than anyone else in the world.
It was a lonely feeling.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Love the twist though*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]
“If we’re together, why am I in Paris and you’re getting ready to ship out to Iraq?”
“Good question,” Taylor said. The steadiness of his voice came as a surprise. “Best question, as a matter of fact.”
“And what’s the answer?”
“Maybe you just hit on the answer. Maybe this is the answer.”
Will sat down heavily on the side of the bed. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
Taylor stared at Will’s bent head, his drawn profile. “It means I don’t know the answer to your question. I didn’t want this separation. Paris was your choice. And maybe the fact that you’ve blocked out any memory of us as anything but friends and partners is the answer. Maybe that’s how you wish it was.” He let his breath out quietly. “In which case, that’s how it is.”

[image]
The bullet that might have ended everything—but somehow had meant a new beginning for them.
Smiling a little self-consciously, Will took Taylor’s hand in his.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A rambling review*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

The moonlight streaming through the sheer draperies revealed Taylor smiling, boneless and peaceful in Will's embrace. The most dangerous man Will knew rested sweetly in his arms, trusting him with his love as he trusted Will to guard his life. It was beyond precious. Life, love, was made up of fragile moments like these. Fragile as Paris moonlight.

Laroche was wrong about that, wrong about men not understanding love.
Anyway, most of the romantic poems and songs and paintings in the world were by men, so what was she talking about?

For the first time Will could remember, he didn’t know what to say to the person he would have said knew and understood him better than anyone else in the world.
It was a lonely feeling.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I need to stop*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I need to stop*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]
He had promised to return, but without a word for three years I had given up hope of ever seeing him again. And then he was suddenly back and ready to pick up where we'd left off.
I had fought him off much longer than I would have thought, almost a week, before succumbing to the pull of my heart, the needs of my body, my brain buried under an avalanche of emotion. .

[image]
“You know, I have a theory that because your brain is so small you can't hold more than one thought in your head at a time. That's why you do such stupid shit all the time, 'cause when the new stuff is in there you forget everything else.”
I had to laugh because he sounded so serious.

[image]

“I want you back here now. I want you next to me now. I cannot believe that my family, your brother, all our friends, and an entire police force can't keep tabs on one twenty-six-year-old graphic designer who thinks he's fuckin' Batman.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contains spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“You know, I have a theory that because your brain is so small you can't hold more than one thought in your head at a time. That's why you do such stupid shit all the time, 'cause when the new stuff is in there you forget everything else.”

“I just want you to get it finally. I want you to realize that you are not a superhero, you are not bulletproof. You need me to protect you, and I need to do it. All I want is to stand between you and the world... please just let me.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I need to stop*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]
He had promised to return, but without a word for three years I had given up hope of ever seeing him again. And then he was suddenly back and ready to pick up where we'd left off.
I had fought him off much longer than I would have thought, almost a week, before succumbing to the pull of my heart, the needs of my body, my brain buried under an avalanche of emotion. .

[image]
“You know, I have a theory that because your brain is so small you can't hold more than one thought in your head at a time. That's why you do such stupid shit all the time, 'cause when the new stuff is in there you forget everything else.”
I had to laugh because he sounded so serious.

[image]

“I want you back here now. I want you next to me now. I cannot believe that my family, your brother, all our friends, and an entire police force can't keep tabs on one twenty-six-year-old graphic designer who thinks he's fuckin' Batman.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contains spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“You know, I have a theory that because your brain is so small you can't hold more than one thought in your head at a time. That's why you do such stupid shit all the time, 'cause when the new stuff is in there you forget everything else.”

“I just want you to get it finally. I want you to realize that you are not a superhero, you are not bulletproof. You need me to protect you, and I need to do it. All I want is to stand between you and the world... please just let me.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Raphael. Enough said.*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

And, just as she’d known his earlier thoughts, she understood what he was saying now. He needed her by his side. Even in war.

He slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her in for a quick, passionate kiss, satisfying the deep need to touch her, to know she was alive and well and with him.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Raphael. Enough said.*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

And, just as she’d known his earlier thoughts, she understood what he was saying now. He needed her by his side. Even in war.

He slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her in for a quick, passionate kiss, satisfying the deep need to touch her, to know she was alive and well and with him.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Where's the connection?*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Where's the connection?*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]

Especially given the situation at home. Home in Oregon, not home in Ventura. Home in Oregon, Will’s sexual orientation was not widely known. In fact, nobody knew except for his father. Yeah, that had been an awkward conversation — not that you could exactly call the gruff assertion that he was not ever going to be “settling down,” exactly a conversation. He wasn’t even sure his brother knew he was gay. And sure as hell nobody knew about Taylor.
And Will would have been happy to keep it that way. Which would be impossible if Taylor chose to ride shotgun on this trip.

[image]
He could feel Taylor looking at him and he wished — and was immediately ashamed — that he could have made this trip alone. Or arrived first. Something.

[image]
“Not worried about the décor, Brandt. Seriously. Just find us some place where no one you knew from the good old days is going to walk in on us.”
“The Black Bear Inn it is,” Will said, turning the key in the ignition. As they pulled away from the curb, he said, “For the record, those weren’t the good old days. These days with you, these are the good old days. Right now.”
Taylor wanted to make some joke, say something to lighten the moment, but he couldn’t. It meant a lot to hear Will say it. Especially here in this Will Brandt alternate universe he found himself in.
Will reached over and squeezed his thigh. He was smiling faintly.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A annoyed reviewer*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Not worried about the decor, Brandt. Seriously. Just find us some place where no one you knew from the good old days is going to walk in on us.”

“The main thing, the important thing to both of us, is what we already have. We’re together. And as long as we’re together, we’re okay. And if we’re okay, then really everything is okay.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Where's the connection?*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]

Especially given the situation at home. Home in Oregon, not home in Ventura. Home in Oregon, Will’s sexual orientation was not widely known. In fact, nobody knew except for his father. Yeah, that had been an awkward conversation — not that you could exactly call the gruff assertion that he was not ever going to be “settling down,” exactly a conversation. He wasn’t even sure his brother knew he was gay. And sure as hell nobody knew about Taylor.
And Will would have been happy to keep it that way. Which would be impossible if Taylor chose to ride shotgun on this trip.

[image]
He could feel Taylor looking at him and he wished — and was immediately ashamed — that he could have made this trip alone. Or arrived first. Something.

[image]
“Not worried about the décor, Brandt. Seriously. Just find us some place where no one you knew from the good old days is going to walk in on us.”
“The Black Bear Inn it is,” Will said, turning the key in the ignition. As they pulled away from the curb, he said, “For the record, those weren’t the good old days. These days with you, these are the good old days. Right now.”
Taylor wanted to make some joke, say something to lighten the moment, but he couldn’t. It meant a lot to hear Will say it. Especially here in this Will Brandt alternate universe he found himself in.
Will reached over and squeezed his thigh. He was smiling faintly.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A annoyed reviewer*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Not worried about the decor, Brandt. Seriously. Just find us some place where no one you knew from the good old days is going to walk in on us.”

“The main thing, the important thing to both of us, is what we already have. We’re together. And as long as we’re together, we’re okay. And if we’re okay, then really everything is okay.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Nothing works for me*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Nothing works for me*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]
“Jory—c'mon... you throw temper tantrums, you second-guess everything, you have no patience at all, you want things to be instantly perfect without any work, you never listen, you jump to conclusions, you create more drama than ten people put together, you drink too much, you're oblivious to shit that goes on around you, and if things go wrong your first instinct is to run away as fast as you can.” He sighed deeply. “You're a fuckin' mess and you can't deny it.”
“You've been gone a long time, Sam. I'm not like that anymore.”

[image]
“Eat your food so I can take you home.”
“You don't know where I live,” I teased him, trying to steady my pounding heart. The familiar response to Sam Kage flared through me.
“No, baby.” He exhaled. “You're coming home with me.”
“Sam—”
“J—”
“I'm not your baby,” I assured him, brushing his hand away. “I'm nobody's—”
“You belong to me,” he said flatly. “Always have, always will. Deal with it.”

[image]
“Beverly, this is my son's partner, Jory.”
She rose off the couch and gave me her hand.
“More friend,” I corrected him, smiling at her.
“Partner!” Sam's dad yelled at me.
I shot him a look. Now I knew where Sam got his temper.
“You have something to say?” he dared me, finally looking from the television screen to my face. “Go ahead, speak.”
“No sir,” I whispered, drawing Beverly away from him, turning to look at her face.
“Good,” he grunted, like everything was settled.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contains spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“It's doomed to fail, Sam.”
“I don't accept that.”

“’Cause what’s the point?”
“The point is very simple. You belong to me.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Nothing works for me*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]
“Jory—c'mon... you throw temper tantrums, you second-guess everything, you have no patience at all, you want things to be instantly perfect without any work, you never listen, you jump to conclusions, you create more drama than ten people put together, you drink too much, you're oblivious to shit that goes on around you, and if things go wrong your first instinct is to run away as fast as you can.” He sighed deeply. “You're a fuckin' mess and you can't deny it.”
“You've been gone a long time, Sam. I'm not like that anymore.”

[image]
“Eat your food so I can take you home.”
“You don't know where I live,” I teased him, trying to steady my pounding heart. The familiar response to Sam Kage flared through me.
“No, baby.” He exhaled. “You're coming home with me.”
“Sam—”
“J—”
“I'm not your baby,” I assured him, brushing his hand away. “I'm nobody's—”
“You belong to me,” he said flatly. “Always have, always will. Deal with it.”

[image]
“Beverly, this is my son's partner, Jory.”
She rose off the couch and gave me her hand.
“More friend,” I corrected him, smiling at her.
“Partner!” Sam's dad yelled at me.
I shot him a look. Now I knew where Sam got his temper.
“You have something to say?” he dared me, finally looking from the television screen to my face. “Go ahead, speak.”
“No sir,” I whispered, drawing Beverly away from him, turning to look at her face.
“Good,” he grunted, like everything was settled.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contains spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“It's doomed to fail, Sam.”
“I don't accept that.”

“’Cause what’s the point?”
“The point is very simple. You belong to me.”

When we emerged from the tub, I asked Aleksey where I was to sleep, and he took my hand and led me to a large bedchamber with one huge bed hung with curtains. He looked at me and pouted a little. “I had thought that we would be more intimate by this stage—that you would be content to share a bed with me. I’m sorry. Perhaps you would—” I caught him around the waist, heaved him into the air, and, ignoring his furious objection to being so manhandled, dumped him on the bed, then straddled him.
“You are very masterful, sir.”
I groaned at his coquettish demeanor and tapped him disapprovingly on the nose. “That kind of language, sir, will get you into trouble. Be wary, or I will solve our problem for us by turning you over and showing you how masterful I can be.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A dangerous royal affair* ⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

I determined there and then not to underestimate this prince of mine again. He was not vacuous and flighty, as he liked to give the impression he was. And why was I calling him my prince? He was strong wine: something I thought about consuming but knew would be bad for me.

I had come a long way to forget, a long way for a new beginning. You cannot have one of those, I suppose, without an ending, and there had been no real ending. I had the horror inside still, carried all the way from that accursed country to this new one.

When we emerged from the tub, I asked Aleksey where I was to sleep, and he took my hand and led me to a large bedchamber with one huge bed hung with curtains. He looked at me and pouted a little. “I had thought that we would be more intimate by this stage—that you would be content to share a bed with me. I’m sorry. Perhaps you would—” I caught him around the waist, heaved him into the air, and, ignoring his furious objection to being so manhandled, dumped him on the bed, then straddled him.
“You are very masterful, sir.”
I groaned at his coquettish demeanor and tapped him disapprovingly on the nose. “That kind of language, sir, will get you into trouble. Be wary, or I will solve our problem for us by turning you over and showing you how masterful I can be.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A dangerous royal affair* ⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

I determined there and then not to underestimate this prince of mine again. He was not vacuous and flighty, as he liked to give the impression he was. And why was I calling him my prince? He was strong wine: something I thought about consuming but knew would be bad for me.

I had come a long way to forget, a long way for a new beginning. You cannot have one of those, I suppose, without an ending, and there had been no real ending. I had the horror inside still, carried all the way from that accursed country to this new one.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I Miss Ty Already*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I Miss Ty Already*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“And I had to be made blind before I could see.”

“I'll always find you, Zane”

[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I Miss Ty Already*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“And I had to be made blind before I could see.”

“I'll always find you, Zane”

[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*It Wasn't Bad*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Your name is Gaven. You are a bastard child, raised in sufferance by the grace of your lord within the fortress itself. Your mother was the laundress, who died but two years ago. You are almost eighteen, and proud of the fact that the lord actually granted you leave to train to be a guard. You have started late to the sword, but show some impressive natural skill which impressed your lord and made him take notice of you.”
I stared in shock at him, at his perfect knowledge of my life, of me.
“We have kept an eye on you, young Gaven. You are of more importance than you know. You are the son of my lord, the High Commander of the Masarian army.” His grin was tinged with malice. “You are half Masarian, Gaven, one of us.

My arm went through his, and I drew myself to him with the strength of terror.
A powerful arm wrapped around me and pulled me against his body, and I did not protest for long moments, still breathing great panicked gasps of air.
It took some time for me to become aware of the huge hardness pressing against my thigh, and when I did understand, my eyes shot to his, disbelieving.
He grinned openly, no longer hiding his show of sharp teeth. “You are mine, Gaven, given to me by your father. I will teach you what it means to be a Masarian warrior. Both in the bed and on the field and practice yard.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*It Wasn't Bad*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Your name is Gaven. You are a bastard child, raised in sufferance by the grace of your lord within the fortress itself. Your mother was the laundress, who died but two years ago. You are almost eighteen, and proud of the fact that the lord actually granted you leave to train to be a guard. You have started late to the sword, but show some impressive natural skill which impressed your lord and made him take notice of you.”
I stared in shock at him, at his perfect knowledge of my life, of me.
“We have kept an eye on you, young Gaven. You are of more importance than you know. You are the son of my lord, the High Commander of the Masarian army.” His grin was tinged with malice. “You are half Masarian, Gaven, one of us.

My arm went through his, and I drew myself to him with the strength of terror.
A powerful arm wrapped around me and pulled me against his body, and I did not protest for long moments, still breathing great panicked gasps of air.
It took some time for me to become aware of the huge hardness pressing against my thigh, and when I did understand, my eyes shot to his, disbelieving.
He grinned openly, no longer hiding his show of sharp teeth. “You are mine, Gaven, given to me by your father. I will teach you what it means to be a Masarian warrior. Both in the bed and on the field and practice yard.”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Insta-love Is Its Downfall*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“So you’re saying no semel can afford to wait for his reah.”
“Realistically, no, they’re too rare. The chances of finding one are too small.”
“And yet,” he said with a flourish, “there you stand.”
I flipped him off.
“Oh, c’mon, Jin, all this talk about reahs and here you are, the rarest of all panthers, the one and only male reah in existence.”
“I don’t count.”
“You count, idiot; you’re a reah.”
“I’m not a real reah; I’m not a girl.”
“Who says a reah can only be female?”
“Oh, I don’t know… everyone,” I said, sounding bitter even to myself.

My smile had the desired effect; the man stepped back, shaken. He wasn’t like me; he wasn’t a reah. He didn’t have my power. He could be man or beast; he could not be pieces of either by choice. He could not take the form of a werepanther; it was the ability of only a semel or a reah.
“I… I don’t….” He trailed off, unsure of what I was. I was not a semel; he knew that. There was no mistaking the power of a semel, and that kind of raw, primal energy didn’t radiate from me. What rolled off me in waves was different, warmer and gentler because of what I was. A reah was the yin to the yang of the semel, each complimenting the other, fitting together so that the reah gave softness and compassion to the semel, the semel bringing strength and logic to the reah. Every semel exuded strength and dominance, but I did not, so the man standing before me was at a loss as to what to make of me.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I like the beginning*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

So there's three things I definitely didn't like:
→ That damn insta-love. (view spoiler)[Took them two days for the L word to be told. (hide spoiler)]
→ Jin's father and Jin's old tribe didn't get (view spoiler)[punished for what they did to him (hide spoiler)]
→ Too little depth and action

“It was surprising to hear it from his lips, my plain, ordinary name spoken as it never had been before, with awe, lite it was sacred, like treasure. Like I was treasure.”

[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Insta-love Is Its Downfall*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“So you’re saying no semel can afford to wait for his reah.”
“Realistically, no, they’re too rare. The chances of finding one are too small.”
“And yet,” he said with a flourish, “there you stand.”
I flipped him off.
“Oh, c’mon, Jin, all this talk about reahs and here you are, the rarest of all panthers, the one and only male reah in existence.”
“I don’t count.”
“You count, idiot; you’re a reah.”
“I’m not a real reah; I’m not a girl.”
“Who says a reah can only be female?”
“Oh, I don’t know… everyone,” I said, sounding bitter even to myself.

My smile had the desired effect; the man stepped back, shaken. He wasn’t like me; he wasn’t a reah. He didn’t have my power. He could be man or beast; he could not be pieces of either by choice. He could not take the form of a werepanther; it was the ability of only a semel or a reah.
“I… I don’t….” He trailed off, unsure of what I was. I was not a semel; he knew that. There was no mistaking the power of a semel, and that kind of raw, primal energy didn’t radiate from me. What rolled off me in waves was different, warmer and gentler because of what I was. A reah was the yin to the yang of the semel, each complimenting the other, fitting together so that the reah gave softness and compassion to the semel, the semel bringing strength and logic to the reah. Every semel exuded strength and dominance, but I did not, so the man standing before me was at a loss as to what to make of me.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I like the beginning*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

So there's three things I definitely didn't like:
→ That damn insta-love. (view spoiler)[Took them two days for the L word to be told. (hide spoiler)]
→ Jin's father and Jin's old tribe didn't get (view spoiler)[punished for what they did to him (hide spoiler)]
→ Too little depth and action

“It was surprising to hear it from his lips, my plain, ordinary name spoken as it never had been before, with awe, lite it was sacred, like treasure. Like I was treasure.”

[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contain spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

Misha didn’t think he deserved to have his pain ended so easily.
He knew that was dramatic to the point of caricature. But it was still the truth.

There’s a setting between “hate” and “sucking his cock,” Max. Find it and dial it there. Quick.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contain spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

Misha didn’t think he deserved to have his pain ended so easily.
He knew that was dramatic to the point of caricature. But it was still the truth.

There’s a setting between “hate” and “sucking his cock,” Max. Find it and dial it there. Quick.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*It Was Alright*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*It Was Alright*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

[image]

I felt myself drifting to sleep, so pulled his face up to kiss him before I did and then frowned. His cheeks were wet with tears. I could taste them as I kissed him. I held him off. “What is wrong? Have I done something to upset you?” I was fairly sure I had not, for once, which was why I risked asking this.
He shook his head, but I would not let him turn from me. Eventually he said with some genuine distress, “Why is the world like this, Niko? We came here and said this was my kingdom and that my law applied here, but nothing has changed. We still have to pretend that we are not what we are to each other. I see you so upset at dinner, and I want to hold you and ask you what is wrong, as I would be able to if you were my wife. We ride side by side all day, and I want them to think what a beautiful couple we are and aren’t I lucky to have you, and other such nonsense that people think about two people who are in love. But none of that is for us, is it? We hide and lie and pretend and it is all shit!”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A truer, stronger bond* ⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Why is the world like this, Niko? We came here and said this was my kingdom and that my law applied here, but nothing has changed. We still have to pretend that we are not what we are to each other. I see you so upset at dinner, and I want to hold you and ask you what is wrong, as I would be able to if you were my wife. We ride side by side all day, and I want them to think what a beautiful couple we are and aren’t I lucky to have you, and other such nonsense that people think about two people who are in love. But none of that is for us, is it? We hide and lie and pretend and it is all shit!”

What can I say about living with Aleksey that would capture one fraction of the ecstasy and fury that are my everyday lot?

I felt myself drifting to sleep, so pulled his face up to kiss him before I did and then frowned. His cheeks were wet with tears. I could taste them as I kissed him. I held him off. “What is wrong? Have I done something to upset you?” I was fairly sure I had not, for once, which was why I risked asking this.
He shook his head, but I would not let him turn from me. Eventually he said with some genuine distress, “Why is the world like this, Niko? We came here and said this was my kingdom and that my law applied here, but nothing has changed. We still have to pretend that we are not what we are to each other. I see you so upset at dinner, and I want to hold you and ask you what is wrong, as I would be able to if you were my wife. We ride side by side all day, and I want them to think what a beautiful couple we are and aren’t I lucky to have you, and other such nonsense that people think about two people who are in love. But none of that is for us, is it? We hide and lie and pretend and it is all shit!”

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*A truer, stronger bond* ⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

“Why is the world like this, Niko? We came here and said this was my kingdom and that my law applied here, but nothing has changed. We still have to pretend that we are not what we are to each other. I see you so upset at dinner, and I want to hold you and ask you what is wrong, as I would be able to if you were my wife. We ride side by side all day, and I want them to think what a beautiful couple we are and aren’t I lucky to have you, and other such nonsense that people think about two people who are in love. But none of that is for us, is it? We hide and lie and pretend and it is all shit!”

What can I say about living with Aleksey that would capture one fraction of the ecstasy and fury that are my everyday lot?

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I'm Really Liking This Author*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

Aidan did not care about watchers, or judgment, he threw his arms around Torin and nestled against his chest, tears rising.
“Thank you,” he whispered, choking up.
Torin’s hand carded through his long hair, fondness in the touch. “Thank me when we learn something. There has been nothing yet.”
“It is the intent I value. You actually care.” The wonder in his own voice was evident.
Torin’s arm wrapped tighter around him, hugging him closer to that tall, powerful body. “I need to let go of the past, but you, I think, need to find it. If I can do this for you, I will. I do care for you, Aidan, never doubt that.”
Aidan squeezed his eyes shut, wishing that the wonder of the moment could draw on forever.

“If they come here,” Torin snarled, “they know they will have a battle, and they will damn well lose. They do not dare to meet me on my own ground, the cowards.” He raked fingers through his long black hair, tousling it into an artful mess.
Paulsten smiled, watching the tall, powerful figure. His friend was never anything less than beautiful, despite Torin’s complete lack of vanity. Perhaps it was that obliviousness that ensured that all around him found him desirable.
Even if he weren’t so highly ranked, if he weren’t the general of the scattered remains of the army of Ceratas, he would be pursued.
His temper was a bit of deterrent, however. That same temper could range between ice and fire, and Paulsten was one of the few who was not fazed by it.

Torin considered things, trying to push away the surging emotions that made thinking difficult.
“The truth of the matter is that the men who raised you invaded Ceratas, murdered the royal family, and have held the country under their brutal rule since. They are attempting to resurrect the royal family through you, to create a legitimate hold over the country to placate the people and ensure their compliance.”

It had been almost fifteen years since the invasion. To loosen the stranglehold the invaders had upon Ceratas was going to take increasingly bold maneuvers. They had gained ground, yes, but they needed to start striking crippling blows, not just gnat bites.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*I'm Really Liking This Author*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

Aidan did not care about watchers, or judgment, he threw his arms around Torin and nestled against his chest, tears rising.
“Thank you,” he whispered, choking up.
Torin’s hand carded through his long hair, fondness in the touch. “Thank me when we learn something. There has been nothing yet.”
“It is the intent I value. You actually care.” The wonder in his own voice was evident.
Torin’s arm wrapped tighter around him, hugging him closer to that tall, powerful body. “I need to let go of the past, but you, I think, need to find it. If I can do this for you, I will. I do care for you, Aidan, never doubt that.”
Aidan squeezed his eyes shut, wishing that the wonder of the moment could draw on forever.

“If they come here,” Torin snarled, “they know they will have a battle, and they will damn well lose. They do not dare to meet me on my own ground, the cowards.” He raked fingers through his long black hair, tousling it into an artful mess.
Paulsten smiled, watching the tall, powerful figure. His friend was never anything less than beautiful, despite Torin’s complete lack of vanity. Perhaps it was that obliviousness that ensured that all around him found him desirable.
Even if he weren’t so highly ranked, if he weren’t the general of the scattered remains of the army of Ceratas, he would be pursued.
His temper was a bit of deterrent, however. That same temper could range between ice and fire, and Paulsten was one of the few who was not fazed by it.

Torin considered things, trying to push away the surging emotions that made thinking difficult.
“The truth of the matter is that the men who raised you invaded Ceratas, murdered the royal family, and have held the country under their brutal rule since. They are attempting to resurrect the royal family through you, to create a legitimate hold over the country to placate the people and ensure their compliance.”

It had been almost fifteen years since the invasion. To loosen the stranglehold the invaders had upon Ceratas was going to take increasingly bold maneuvers. They had gained ground, yes, but they needed to start striking crippling blows, not just gnat bites.

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might Contains Spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Contains Spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might Contain Spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱