FINAL EXAMINATION

Story of Amanda Taylor

I’m a mixed chick born and raised in Gainesville, Florida. No one ever thought I’d be
anything, no one graduated high school in my family. My mother worked at Taco Bell and my
father fled the country on criminal charges when I was three. I grew up in an abusive home with
my two younger brothers. By 12th grade, I had been raped, molested, abused, homeless and
hungry. I remember every detail of my childhood very vividly, every man my mother brought to
the house, everyone she left us for, and the one who tried to drown my brother in the bathtub while
she ran to the store. I remember living in a trailer with no electricity, a tarp for a wall and a piece
of plywood where the floor was supposed to be. I remember moving every single year from one

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project to another. I remember seeing so much violence as a child that I became desensitized to it.

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It was just a part of life.

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I remember being homeless, walking miles as a child, bus after bus with my bothers, just
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to get to the free food lines. I remember waiting in the food stamp line for what seemed like forever
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just so my mother could hand us all a brown food stamp dollar to spend at the ice cream truck. I
remember sneaking out of my window at night just so I could sleep in a quiet place, so I wouldn’t
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be tired the next day at school. I don’t know what it means to be broken or weak because growing
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up, survival meant I had to be strong and vigilant. They told me to drop out of school when I was
15 to learn a trade, but I didn’t.
I was the first person in my family to graduate high school. Until I was accepted into the
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University of Florida, the teachers, the career counselor and my mother told me that I wouldn’t.
They said I couldn’t be a doctor, so I said, “watch me!” I feel at home in the struggle, it motivates
me like nothing else. From the mud I was formed and out of the mud I grew. I lost my best friend
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in 2010, I’ve been divorced twice now at 32, and I am a single parent with two toddler boys. My
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story isn’t sad, it’s real. This is real life! Nothing sugar coated about it just like me. I don’t need
your validation. I’m not swayed by your opinion. I know who I am and the value that I possess.
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Every struggle that I have endured I’ve strategically mapped out so that I can share it with you.
My father from Kingston and my mother from New York both grew up in poverty as I did. So, what
did I become? What I always was buried deep beneath the mud. A diamond, too tough to break,
too beautiful to ignore. Love — I became love — unconditional, unwavering, strong and pure. I’ve

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 been through hell a time or two, but your hell doesn’t scare me. I am never blind. I know where I
am going, and I know why when it’s dark or when there’s light. At the top of the St. George Museum
on the 14th of July, I looked over the skyline in Paris, France, that little mixed girl from the hood
who they said would be nothing more. One thing I am is free because I love who I am and what I
am meant to be.
Life isn’t always pretty, but if you keep going with purpose you will see more. I did graduate
from UF, learned French, saw Paris. I graduated with my master’s degree to help people cultivate
hope when they feel like giving up. I’ve faced eviction, I’ve had my things repossessed, I’ve been
incarcerated without just cause, I’ve been homeless with the anger and heartache of knowing I
couldn’t provide basic necessities for my children. Yet, I ask for nothing from no one because my
faith is that God has a plan for me and moves people as he sees. So even as my partner put his

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hands on me, lied to me, cheated on me, stole from me and tried every which way to sabotage me,

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I still made it. Three years into my PhD, I stand here. I’ve learned a whole new career and became

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a mother time two. None of these are small feats. So, what I want you to learn from who I am is
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how powerful it is to know you who you are and what you stand for regardless of anyone else.
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Who do you want to be?
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become” - Carl Jung.
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Questions to ponder:
1. Give as many descriptions as you can about the personality of Amanda.
Amanda is a mature person that is intensified as a response to the pain she was
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experiencing. She is an independent, brave soul, not readily flared by the difficulties of
life. She is very courageous and patient in enduring all the hardships in her life. She is a
strong-willed girl ever since she was still a kid, she is patient, resilient and have a high
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endurance in whatever life throws at her. She does not let other people control and
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manipulate her way of thinking. Amanda is her own person, and she uses the criticism of
other people as a fuel to motivate herself and push herself more to achieve her goals in life.
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2. Which sentences in her story do you like best? Cite your reasons why you like them?
Amanda says "Love—I became love—unconditional, unwavering, strong and
pure." Out of all the difficulty she encountered and eloquently cited, she became a positive

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 individual who embodied love in her many ways. Carl Jung also said, "I am not what
happened to me; I am what I choose to become." This is a motivational quotation for
Amanda that will never hesitate to use someone else's highest standards. That line in the
story made me realize the obvious reason why almost all of the people fail to find love —
we all keep looking for love in the wrong places, we keep searching for it when in fact it
is within ourselves all along. This made me ponder about the thought that as much as how
I wanted to receive love, I must share love first and as much as I wanted to be loved, I
should be loving myself first.

3. In Amanda’s experience in pain, how would you relate yourself dealing with your
own pain?

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As someone who has dealt with their fair share of issues and trauma, I identify most

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with Amanda. Yet everything she has experienced is much more important in terms of both

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numbers and sentiments. The connection is that Amanda and I both want to get rid of
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suffering by being more aggressive, which is the only way I can think of. She, like me,
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thinks God has a scheme — is always a comforting thought for me. I always think that
everything that happens to me whether good or bad has always a reason and it is not always
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sunshine and flowers all the time. I always know and believe that life like in accounting, it
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should be balanced as well. This belief and thought of mine is somehow similar to
Amanda’s because we both know that if something bad happens, “this thou shall pass,”
and I also tend to think ahead of time that is why I do not ponder and stress out myself in
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the present because I always look in the light ahead of my future.

4. Identify at least 3 unpacking the self, happened with Amanda.

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o Amanda learned she could never have been pulled around or manipulated in her
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actions the way her mother had been. As a consequence, when she was asked to
quit school, she denied the request.
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o Amanda, after being advised by her mother, professors, and career counselor that
she could never become such a doctor, went right ahead and became one. She
found her love for knowledge here.

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 o After leaving an abusive relationship with her partner, she found her sense of
independence, which she would not exchange for a simple friendship, as her
mother had.
5. What characteristics do you think Amanda made when she set her free from her
own pain?
Amanda developed characteristics of perseverance, determination, bravery, zeal,
confidence, and hope when she set herself free from her suffering. She also developed more
resilience and stoic qualities to deal with the trauma. She is a very strong girl to be able to
experience and survived all the happenings in her life, and I know that she learned and
packed a lot of life lessons about life, with this, I know that she is an intelligent, practical,
knowledgeable, and resilient person amidst the havoc in her life. She will be a great

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counselor and advisor soon.

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6. What seems to be the life goal of Amanda?

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Amanda's life goal seems to become a doctor and set an example for people going
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through trauma. She wants people to learn their life could change and that they should be
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strong enough to see it. She wants to prove to other people that she can do something and
that she can achieve her dreams in life even without their support and even though they
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practically drag her down just because of her struggles in life at that time. Also, she wants
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to give her best to her children, she does not wat her children to experience the things that
almost wrecked her as a person.
7. What do you believe to be the factors that enabled Amanda to achieve her goal?
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The derogatory influences she got from her mother, professors, and career
counselors convinced her that she should never become a doctor; however, she was able to
persuade herself to become one and prove them wrong. Furthermore, the suffering she
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experienced as a child motivated her to become an empowered and stable adult so that she
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and her children might never experience the same trauma of hardship again.
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8. If you were Amanda, how would you see yourself surviving? Are there things
Amanda has done which you also have also done?
Yes, I would also have done something similar as Amanda to overcome what she
went through. I will also put my trust in God and work hard to achieve financial security

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 in order to help my development towards harmony, peace and stability in life. I would see
myself surviving by working hard and distraction-free, I see myself as someone who is
strong-willed and someone who won’t give up easily, but not to the point that I will push
myself at my limitations. I would also be like Amanda as someone who would not let other
people dictate and manipulate my way of thinking and what I wanted to do in life. I know
that I am my own person and that I should be living for myself as how I live for other
people.
9. Create a plan on how you will improve your mental health.
I will use mindfulness to define and address my mental health issues. If I think my
mental health problems are impeding my development, interfering with my everyday
routines, or posing a danger to others, I will seek therapeutic support, professional help or

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emotional support from family and friends that I know cares for me. I would also rely on

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expressing my thoughts through journal and other outlet of stress that I know would work

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for me. I am more matured and I know that I can help myself in the process because I am
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working hard to know more about myself and set my limitation so that I would not push
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myself at my limit and set a barrier that will aide me to become mindful and take easy in
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10. Create a commitment plan where, when and who will be involved in your plan to
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boost your mental health.

To help relieve some of the negative energy that had accumulated, I would engage in
physical workouts or retreat experiences. Under that scenario, I will enlist the assistance of
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experts who specialize in the appropriate areas. I will also undergo psychotherapy or other
forms of counseling, like trained therapists or counsellors, who will continue to consult
with me at frequent times to devise coping plans to help solve my problems. Moreover, as
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I have been doing for the past years, I will continue journaling my thoughts, feelings, stress,
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and emotions everyday as it helps me keep track of my well being as a person and how I
do in life as I venture and experience life as a whole.
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