Assertiveness and Self Confidence Student Training Manual PDF Download

Assertiveness and Self-Confidence
Atlantic Speakers Bureau and Human Skills Development

980 Route 730, Scotch Ridge NB Canada E3L 5L2 or P.O. Box 55 Calais, ME USA 04619
1-506-465-0990 FAX: 1-506-465-0813
[email protected] [email protected]
Atlantic Speakers Bureau and Human Skills Development Student Training Manual
Training Materials

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Module One: Getting Started .............................................................................................................4
Workshop Objectives ................................................................................................................................ 4
Module Two: What Does Self-Confidence Mean To You? ....................................................................5

What is Assertiveness? ............................................................................................................................. 5
What is Self-Confidence? .......................................................................................................................... 6
The Four Styles .......................................................................................................................................... 6
Case Study................................................................................................................................................. 8
Module Two: Review Questions................................................................................................................ 9
Module Three: Obstacles to Our Goals ............................................................................................. 10

Types of Negative Thinking..................................................................................................................... 10
Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 11
Personal Application ............................................................................................................................... 12
Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 12
Module Three: Review Questions ........................................................................................................... 13
Module Four: Communication Skills ................................................................................................. 15

Listening and Hearing; They Aren’t the Same Thing .............................................................................. 15
Asking Questions .................................................................................................................................... 16
Body Language ....................................................................................................................................... 17
Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 18
Module Four: Review Questions ............................................................................................................. 19
Module Five: The Importance of Goal Setting ................................................................................... 20

Why Goal Setting is Important ............................................................................................................... 20
Setting SMART Goals .............................................................................................................................. 21
Our Challenge to You .............................................................................................................................. 22

Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 22
Module Five: Review Questions .............................................................................................................. 23
Module Six: Feeling the Part ............................................................................................................. 24

Identifying Your Worth ........................................................................................................................... 24
Creating Positive Self-Talk ...................................................................................................................... 25
Identifying and Addressing Strengths and Weaknesses ......................................................................... 26
Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 26
Module Six: Review Questions ................................................................................................................ 27
Module Seven: Looking the Part ....................................................................................................... 29

The Importance of Appearance .............................................................................................................. 29
The Role of Body Language .................................................................................................................... 29
First Impressions Count........................................................................................................................... 30
Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 31
Module Seven: Review Questions ........................................................................................................... 32
Module Eight: Sounding the Part ...................................................................................................... 33

It’s How You Say It .................................................................................................................................. 33
Sounding Confident................................................................................................................................. 34
Using “I” Messages ................................................................................................................................. 34
Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 35
Module Eight: Review Questions ............................................................................................................ 36
Module Nine: Powerful Presentations .............................................................................................. 37

What to Do When You’re on the Spot .................................................................................................... 37
Using STAR to Make Your Case ............................................................................................................... 38
Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 38
Module Nine: Review Questions ............................................................................................................. 39
Module Ten: Coping Techniques ....................................................................................................... 40

Building Rapport ..................................................................................................................................... 40
Expressing Disagreement ....................................................................................................................... 41
Coming to Consensus .............................................................................................................................. 41
Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 42
Module Ten: Review Questions .............................................................................................................. 43
Module Eleven: Dealing with Difficult Behavior ................................................................................ 44

Dealing with Difficult Situations ............................................................................................................. 44
Key Tactics .............................................................................................................................................. 45
Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 46
Module Eleven: Review Questions .......................................................................................................... 47
Module Twelve: Wrapping Up .......................................................................................................... 49

Words from the Wise .............................................................................................................................. 49

Learning is not a spectator sport.
D. Blocher
Module One: Getting Started

Welcome to the Assertiveness and Self-Confidence workshop.
Assertiveness and self-confidence are comprised of important
interpersonal communications skills and traits that can be learned
and practiced. This workshop will provide you with many tips,
techniques, and opportunities to try out your own skills.
Workshop Objectives
Research has consistently demonstrated that when clear goals are associated with
learning, the learning occurs more easily and rapidly. With that in mind, let’s review
our goals for today.
• Define assertiveness and self-confidence, and list the four styles of communication
• Describe the types of negative thinking, and how one can overcome negative thoughts
• Explain the difference between listening and hearing, and understand the importance of body
language and questioning skills in communication
• Define the importance of goal setting, and practice setting SMART goals for assertive behavior
• Utilize methodologies for understanding your worth -- and the use of positive self-talk
• List reasons why a pleasing appearance and body language are critical for creating a strong first
impression
• Practice sending positive communications phrased as “I-Messages”
• Use the STAR model to make your case during a presentation challenge
• Display rapport-building skills through assertive methods of expressing disagreement and

consensus-building techniques
• Practice strategies for gaining positive outcomes in difficult interpersonal situations.
Page 4 Atlantic Speakers Bureau and Human Skills Development

Who has confidence in himself will gain the
confidence of others.
Leib Lazarow
Module Two: What Does Self-Confidence Mean To You?

Self-confidence plays an important role in our everyday lives.
Being confident allows us to set and reach our goals. It provides
stability when we are faced with a challenge; it gives us that
push that helps us overcome difficulties. Self-confidence is
necessary in our personal and professional lives, as without it
one would not be successful in either. It gives us the ability to
stand up to face our challenges and to pick ourselves up when
we fall.
What is Assertiveness?
An assertive person is confident and direct in dealing with others. Assertive
communications promote fairness and equality in human interactions, based on a
positive sense of respect for self and others. It is the direct communication of a
person’s needs, wants, and opinions without punishing, threatening, or putting
down another person.
Assertive behavior includes the ability to stand up for a person’s legitimate rights –
without violating the rights of others or being overly fearful in the process. A skill that can be learned,
assertive behavior is situational specific; meaning different types of assertive behavior can be used in
different situations.
Assertive behavior involves three categories of skills; self-affirmation, expressing positive feelings, and
expressing negative feelings. Each will be explored during this course.

What is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence is a belief in oneself, one's abilities, or one's judgment. It is
freedom from doubt. When you believe you can change things -- or make a
difference in a situation, you are much more likely to succeed.
As a self-confident person, you walk with a bounce in your step. You can control
your thoughts and emotions and influence others. You are more prepared to
tackle everyday challenges and recover from setbacks. This all leads to a greater
degree of optimism and life satisfaction.
The Four Styles

There are four styles of communication: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and
assertive.
The Passive Person
Passive behavior is the avoidance of the expression of opinions or feelings,

protecting one’s rights, and identifying and meeting one’s needs. Passive individuals exhibit poor eye
contact and slumped body posture, and tend to speak softly or apologetically. Passive people express
statements implying that:
• “I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”
• “I don’t know what my rights are.”
• “I get stepped on by everyone."
• “I’m weak and unable to take care of myself.”
• “People never consider my feelings.”
The Aggressive Person
An aggressive individual communicates in a way that violates the rights of others. Thus, aggressive
communicators are verbally or physically abusive, or both. Aggressive communication is born of low self-
esteem, often caused by past physical or emotional abuse, unhealed emotional wounds, and feelings of
powerlessness.
Aggressive individuals display a low tolerance for frustration, use humiliation, interrupt frequently, and
use criticism or blame to attack others. They use piercing eye contact, and are not good listeners.
Aggressive people express statements implying that:
• The other person is inferior, wrong, and not worth anything

• The problem is the other person’s fault
• They are superior and right
• They will get their way regardless of the consequences
• They are entitled, and that the other person “owes” them.
The Passive-Aggressive Person
The passive-aggressive person uses a communication style in which the individual appears passive on
the surface, but is really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way.
Passive-aggressive people usually feel powerless, stuck, and resentful. Alienated from others, they feel
incapable of dealing directly with the object of their resentments. Rather, they express their anger by
subtly undermining the real or imagined object of their resentments. Frequently they mutter to
themselves instead of confronting another person. They often smile at you, even though they are angry,
use subtle sabotage, or speak with sarcasm.
Passive-aggressive individuals use communication that implies:
• “I’m weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate, and disrupt.”
• “I’m powerless to deal with you head on so I must use guerilla warfare.”
• “I will appear cooperative, but I’m not.”
The Assertive Person
An assertive individual communicates in a way that clearly states his or her opinions and feelings, and
firmly advocates for his or her rights and needs without violating the rights of others. Assertive
communication is born of high self-esteem. Assertive people value themselves, their time, and their
emotional, spiritual, and physical needs. They are strong advocates for themselves -- while being very
respectful of the rights of others.
Assertive people feel connected to other people. They make statements of needs and feelings clearly,
appropriately, and respectfully. Feeling in control of themselves, they speak in calm and clear tones, are
good listeners, and maintain good eye contact. They create a respectful environment for others, and do
not allow others to abuse or manipulate them.
The assertive person uses statements that imply:
• “I am confident about who I am.”
• “I cannot control others, but I control myself.”
• “I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.”

• “I know I have choices in my life, and I consider my options. I am fully responsible for my own
happiness.”
• “We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another.”
Case Study
It seems that today, many people who are used to saying yes are taken for granted, and used by other
people. Steven had to live with the idea for 20 years which he spent working at a job he did not enjoy
and for people who he did not like at all. He never said no to anyone, until an event changed the way he
thought.
At work, a new person was hired who was extremely confident and knew how to say no without feeling
ashamed. This idea quickly brought him up the ladder and he became a chief in no time. Steven took the
idea and started to improve his self-confidence which granted him a good belief in his abilities and
judgment. In the end, Steven managed to know when to accept to do something and when to say no,
which improved his life a lot.

Module Two: Review Questions
1) Which of the following is not a skill involved by assertive behavior?
a) Self-affirmation
b) Aggressive imposing opinion on others
c) Expressing positive feelings
d) Expressing negative feelings
2) Which of the following statements IS NOT true?
a) Assertive communications promote fairness and equality in human interactions

b) Assertive behavior includes the ability to stand up for a person’s legitimate rights
c) Assertive behavior can be learned
d) Assertive behavior is universal and the same for every situation
3) Self-confidence is freedom from:
a) Fears
b) Other people
c) Doubt
d) Anxiety
4) Who wrote the poem “If”?
a) Rudyard Kipling
b) Walt Whitman
c) TS Eliot
d) Emily Dickinson
5) Which of the following is not a type of communication?
a) Passive
b) Aggressive
c) Assertive
d) Passive – assertive
a) An assertive individual communicates in a way that clearly states his or her opinions and
feelings
b) Assertive people feel connected to other people
c) Assertive people are manipulators
d) Assertive people maintain good eye contact

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it
probably doesn't lead anywhere.
Frank A. Clark
Module Three: Obstacles to Our Goals

Obstacles are encountered every day of our lives, but what we do and
how we react during these events will determine the outcomes of
such events. Our reactions to these obstacles will determine if the
situation becomes a minor annoyance to a major event. Over reacting
to a small annoyance can magnify the issue and make larger than it
actually is. These are the types of reactions that should be kept in
check, what is an appropriate response to each obstacle that we
encounter? Like many things the obstacle will determine the
response.
Types of Negative Thinking

Negative thinking is the process of thinking negative rather than positive thoughts.
Seemingly, positive thinking requires effort while negative thinking is uninvited and
happens easily.
A person who has been brought up in a happy and positive atmosphere, where
people value success and self-improvement will have a much easier time thinking
positively. One who was brought up in a poor or difficult situation will probably
continue to expect difficulties and failure.
Negative thoughts center on the individual, others, and the future. Negative thinking causes problems
such as depression, pessimism, and anxiety. Typical types of negative thinking are described below.
Type of Thinking As the thinker, you:

Overgeneralization Make a general universal rule from one isolated event
Global labeling Automatically use disparaging labels to describe yourself
Filtering Pay attention selectively to the negative, disregarding the positive
Polarized thinking Group things into absolute, black and white categories, assuming that
you must be perfect or you are worthless

Self-blame Persistently blame yourself for things that may not be your fault
Personalization Assume that everything has something to do with you, negatively

comparing yourself to everyone else
Mind reading Feel that people don't like you or are angry with you, without any real
evidence
Control fallacies Feel that you have total responsibility for everybody and everything, or
that you have no control as a helpless victim
Emotional reasoning Believe that things are the way you feel about them
Case Study
The following case study will help participants analyze obstacles to a person's
ability to reach a goal.
Joe Smith has been a lawyer at Big City Law Firm for six years. He is a high
performer, and has been told that he will be up for partner at the firm
within the next twelve months.
Sue Smith has worked for five years as a financial analyst at Neighboring Town Manufacturing
Company, receiving excellent performance reviews. She is well thought of by her peers and has
willingly taken on some sticky special projects in the past two years.
Joe and Sue have two children, a boy in fifth grade at the local elementary school, and an eighth
grade daughter at Magnet Junior High School in Big City. Sue has the major responsibility for the
children’s transportation, extracurricular activities, and medical appointments.
When the accounting manager recently announced he was leaving the company to live a green
life in Colorado, Sue was encouraged by the Chief Financial Officer to submit a job bid for the
manager’s position.
Excited about the opportunity, Sue shared the news that evening with Joe. He said to her:
“How do you know you can perform that job with your experience?”
“Who will look after the kids while you’re stuck at work late into the evening solving last-minute
accounting problems?”
“Don’t I make enough money to support this family without you having to be away from home,
the kids, and me even more?”

Sue knows that Joe is the breadwinner, and she is reluctant to assert herself. Help Sue out by writing
some assertive statements that she can make to Joe in support of her goal of gaining a promotion to
manager.
Personal Application
We all have situations in our personal lives where the ability to be assertive helps
us achieve our goals. Now we'll each practice the opportunity to develop assertive
responses. Standing up for yourself will translate into success throughout your
personal and professional lives. It will help grow a person's self-confidence, and
make the challenges that we encounter every day that much more easily to
overcome.
Case Study
Every day, many of us face obstacles which appear whenever we try to fulfil our goals. Whether a
person aims at getting a promotion of making a successful change in his life, there are certain tips which
need to be kept in mind that have been designed to overcome obstacles.
Maria was a pessimist woman who always thought that the world was working against her. Her negative
thinking made her lose a lot of things. This continued to happen until Maria suddenly decided that
perhaps the problem was her pessimism, so she tried her best to turn it into optimism. This way, her
abilities of reaching a goal also improved after a bit of time. Maria began to tell others what to do and to
take each new step with the belief that everything will turn out to be alright.

Module Three: Review Questions
1) Recognize the type of thinking based on the followings statement: As the thinker, you believe
that things are the way you feel about them.
a) Personalization
b) Emotional reasoning
c) Mind reading
d) Global labeling
2) Recognize the filtering type of thinking:
a) As the thinker, you pay attention selectively to the negative, disregarding the positive
b) As the thinker, you realize you will get the answer through meditation
c) As the thinker, you group things into absolute, black and white categories, assuming that
you must be perfect or you are worthless
d) As the thinker, you feel that you have total responsibility for everybody and everything
3) Which of the following is an obstacle Sue has to face with on her way to a new job?
a) Her lack of experience

b) Her responsibilities with the kids
c) The fact that her husband earns enough money
d) The fact that her husband does not give her support
4) Why is Sue reluctant to assert herself?
a) Because she thinks she does not deserve the new job
b) Because her husband is the breadwinner
c) Because she feels bad for neglecting her responsibilities with the kids
d) Because she really agrees with her husband

a) Standing up for yourself will translate into success throughout your personal and
professional lives
b) Assertiveness is practical only for professional life
c) Assertiveness will help you build your self-confidence
d) Assertiveness will help you overcome the everyday challenges
6) Which of the following statements is true?
a) Assertive people are usually too aggressive in communication

b) Assertiveness often brings trouble as well
c) We all have situations where the ability to be assertive helps us achieve our goals
d) None of the above

The one who listens does the most work, not
the one who speaks.
Stephen R. Covey
Module Four: Communication Skills

Strong communication skills are essential for assertive interaction
with others. Humans are social animals and communication is a
very important part of our daily lives. Every interaction we have
with another person including, face to face, over the phone,
chatting online or even texting is communication happening, and
have strong communication skills will benefit every type of
interaction we encounter.
Listening and Hearing; They Aren’t the Same Thing

Hearing is the act of perceiving sound by the ear. Assuming an individual is
not hearing-impaired, hearing simply happens. Listening, however, is
something that one consciously chooses to do. Listening requires
concentration so that the brain processes meaning from words and
sentences.
Listening leads to learning, but this is not always an easy task. The normal
adult rate of speech is 100-150 words per minute, but the brain can think at a rate of 400-500 words per
minute, leaving extra time for daydreaming, or anticipating the speaker’s or the recipient’s next words.
As opposed to hearing, listening skills can be learned and refined. The art of active listening allows you
to fully receive a message from another person. Especially in a situation involving anger or a tense
interchange, active listening allows you to be sensitive to the multiple dimensions of communication
that make up an entire message. These dimensions include:
The occasion for the message: What is the reason why the person is communicating with me now?
The length of the message: What can the length of the message tell me about its importance?
The words chosen: Is the message being made formally? Is it with aloofness or slang?
The volume and pace: What clues do the loudness and speed give me?
The Pauses and Hesitations: How do these enhance or detract from the message?

Non-verbal clues: What does eye contact, posture, or facial expressions tell me about the message?
Empathy is the capability to share and understand another's emotions and feelings. Empathetic listening
is the art of seeking a truer understanding of how others are feeling. This requires excellent
discrimination and close attention to the nuances of emotional signals. According to Stephen Covey in
“The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, empathetic listening involves five basic tasks:
1. Repeat verbatim the content of the communication; the words, not the feelings
2. Rephrase content; summarize the meaning of the words in your own words
3. Reflect feelings; look more deeply and begin to capture feelings in your own words. Look
beyond words for body language and tone to indicate feelings.
4. Rephrase contents and reflect feelings; express both their words and feelings in your own
words.
5. Discern when empathy is not necessary – or appropriate.
Asking Questions
Active listeners use specific questioning techniques to elicit more information from
speakers. Below are three types of questions to use when practicing active listening.
Open Questions
Open questions stimulate thinking and discussion or responses including opinions or

feelings. They pass control of the conversation to the respondent. Leading words in
open questions include: Why, what, or how, as in the following examples:
• Tell me about the current employee orientation process.
• How do you open the emergency exit door on an A320 aircraft?
Clarifying Questions
A clarifying question helps to remove ambiguity, elicits additional detail, and guides the answer to a
question. When you ask a clarifying question, you ask for expansion or detail, while withholding your
judgment and own opinions. When asking for clarification, you will have to listen carefully to what the
other person says. Frame your question as someone trying to understand in more detail. Often asking
for a specific example is useful. This also helps the speaker evaluate his or her own opinions and
perspective. Below are some examples:
• I can tell you are really concerned about this. Let me see if I can repeat to you your main
concerns so we can start to think about what to do in this situation.

• What sort of savings are you looking to achieve?
Closed Questions
Closed questions usually require a one-word answer, and effectively shut off discussion. Closed
questions provide facts, allow the questioner to maintain control of the conversation, and are easy to
answer. Typical leading words are: Is, can, how many, or does. While closed questions are not the
optimum choice for active listening, at times they may be necessary to elicit facts. Below are several
examples of closed questions:
• Who will lead the meeting?
• Do you know how to open the emergency exit door on this aircraft?
The following exercise provides practice with questioning techniques to support communications skills.
Body Language
Body language is a form of non-verbal communication involving the use of
stylized gestures, postures, and physiologic signs which act as cues to other
people. Humans unconsciously send and receive non-verbal signals through
body language all the time.
Non-verbal communication is the process of communication through sending

and receiving wordless messages. It is the single most powerful form of
communication. Nonverbal communication cues others about what is in your mind, even more than
your voice or words can do.
According to studies at UCLA, as much as 93 percent of communication effectiveness is determined by

nonverbal cues, and the impact of performance was determined 7 percent by the words used, 38
percent by voice quality, and 55 percent by non-verbal communication.
In communication, if a conflict arises between your words and your body language, your body language
rules every time.

Case Study
Having a good sense of confidence together with good communication skills can help a person do just
about anything successfully. Jonas was raised to be mindful of the many aspects and ways people
communicate. With this learned from an early age he was able to communicate effectively. This helped
him in grade school, college and his throughout his career.
Jonas had the amazing ability of listening to what others had to say and improving the communication of
both parties. By asking the right questions at the right time and through clarifying inquires he was
successful in all aspects of business. With experience, Jonas also learned that body language also plays a
significant role to the way we communicate and learned to look for signs in others to find out more
about them and their intentions.

Module Four: Review Questions
1) What is the difference between hearing and listening?
a) There is no difference
b) The difference is in the duration of the registered sound
c) Listening is consciously chosen, while hearing simply happens
d) Listening is a process, while hearing is the result of that process
2) Which of the following is not a dimension of active listening?
a) The volume and pace

b) The length of the message
c) The Pauses and Hesitations
d) Your general relation towards the person who speaks
3) Which of the following is not a type of question for practicing active listening?
a) Open questions
b) Closed questions
c) Courtesy questions
d) Clarifying questions
4) Which type of the question implies short, usually one-word answers?
a) Open questions
b) Closed questions
c) Courtesy questions
d) Clarifying questions
5) According to UCLA studies, how many percent of communication effectiveness is determined by

nonverbal cues?
a) As much as 93%
b) Almost 50%
c) Less than 25%
d) More than 75%
6) What happens when your words and your body language are in a conflict?
a) You can hide it with a little effort

b) Your body language rules every time
c) Sometimes body language rules, but sometimes the words are stronger
d) Nothing significant happens

Without goals, and plans to reach them, you
are like a ship that has set sail with no
destination.
Fitzhugh Dodson
Module Five: The Importance of Goal Setting
A strong self-concept depends both upon what you do, and your idea of
yourself. Goal setting is the process that allows you to analyze and
determine what you do. Goal setting helps you feel strong and in
control. Goal setting drives us and gives us a measure for our successes.
Setting goals provides an incentive and helps to push us into completing
the goals we set.
Why Goal Setting is Important

The process of setting goals helps to provide a clear picture of your wants and
needs so you can chart your own life destiny. To get a clear picture of your wants
and needs, consider eight types of goals.
To begin building and qualifying your list of goals, answer four key questions that
serve as triggers.
Question Example Potential Goal

What hurts, or feels bad? The long commute to work Explore a telecommuting option
What are you hungry for? More time in the outdoors Plan a national park vacation
What are your dreams? Enhance the yard Build a rock garden
What are the little comforts? A new kitten Adopt or buy a pet

Now classify the goals according to potential timing: long-range, medium-range, and immediate.
Long-Range Goals
1. Explore a telecommuting option
Medium-Range Goals
1. Plan a national park vacation
Immediate
1. Get a kitten
Setting SMART Goals

The SMART method is a straightforward way to qualify and quantify each goal.
Handout Four: Smart Goal Setting describes the SMART criteria and provides
examples of how they are used to establish and qualify goals.
SMART is a convenient acronym for the set of criteria that a goal must have in
order for it to be realized by the goal achiever.
• Specific: Success coach Jack Canfield states in his book The Success Principles that, “Vague goals
produce vague results.” In order for you to achieve a goal, you must be very clear about what
exactly you want. Often creating a list of benefits that the accomplishment of your goal will
bring to your life, will you give your mind a compelling reason to pursue that goal.
• Measurable: It’s crucial for goal achievement that you are able to track your progress towards
your goal. That’s why all goals need some form of objective measuring system so that you can
stay on track and become motivated when you enjoy the sweet taste of quantifiable progress.
• Achievable: Setting big goals is great, but setting unrealistic goals will just de-motivate you. A
good goal is one that challenges, but is not so unrealistic that you have virtually no chance of
accomplishing it.
• Relevant: Before you even set goals, it’s a good idea to sit down and define your core values and
your life purpose because it’s these tools which ultimately decide how and what goals you
choose for your life. Goals, in and of themselves, do not provide any happiness. Goals that are in
harmony with our life purpose do have the power to make us happy.

• Timed: Without setting deadlines for your goals, you have no real compelling reason or
motivation to start working on them. By setting a deadline, your subconscious mind begins to
work on that goal, night and day, to bring you closer to achievement.
Our Challenge to You

Use the SMART goal-setting method to set up an out of class personal goal.
• Specific: Be clear on what the goal will be.
• Measurable: Make it so you can track your progress.
• Achievable: Set a reasonable and achievable goal.
• Relevant: Make it relevant to your life at that moment.
• Timed: Set a deadline.
Case Study
Drew was a great influence and inspiration to a lot of his co-workers. He had a successful career thanks
to his goal setting techniques. Since he was young Drew knew what he wanted to achieve, and by
setting realistic and achievable goals he had positive results most of the time. This way, he learned that
goal setting was an important aspect of everyday life which many people failed to apply.
With age, he still wrote them down on paper. He then reviewed his smart goals in his mind which
allowed him to make all the necessary decisions to make sure that his goals were fulfilled. His manager
recognized these skills and asked Drew if he would create a set of “Drew’s Rules” to help other people in
developing better goal setting skills.

Module Five: Review Questions
1) Which of the following is not one of the four key questions for setting goals?
a) What are the little comforts?

b) What are your dreams?
c) What hurts, or feels bad?
d) What is the minimum of your abilities?
2) Which of the following is not a type of goals according to potential timing?
a) Long-range goals
b) Short-range goals
c) Medium-range goals
d) Immediate goals
3) What is the name of the technique for setting goals?
a) START
b) SMART
c) SWAP
d) STOP
a) Setting deadlines motivates you to work on your goals

b) By setting a deadline, your subconscious mind begins to work on the goal
c) Setting deadlines is always stressful
d) Setting deadlines brings you closer to the achievements
a) Goals should be defined by your life purpose

b) Your core values are one of the tools that decide your goals
c) Goals, in and of themselves, do not provide any happiness
d) Goals, in and of themselves, provide the happiness
6) Name the book written by life coach Jack Canfield which contains the following quote: “Vague
goals produce vague results.”
a) The Success
b) The Success Principles
c) The Success Shortcuts
d) The Ultimate Success

When you engage in systematic, purposeful
action, using and stretching your abilities to
the maximum, you cannot help but feel
positive and confident about yourself.
Brian Tracy
Module Six: Feeling the Part

Being positive and feeling good about one's self is the key, you
must feel the part. Positivity is a leading factor in one's self
confidence, it will help you keep a feeling of worth. Staying
positive will provide you a great asset in regards to self-talk and
recognizing and working with your strengths. Everyone has
weaknesses and by being positive you can recognize your
weaknesses and then work on them to lesson to remove them
all together.
Identifying Your Worth

Worth is defined as “sufficiently good, important, or interesting to justify a
specified action." People with a sense of self-worth exude confidence in
themselves. They feel in change of their own destiny, and are happy. To create a
picture of your self-worth, take a self-concept inventory, analyzing multiple
attributes in your life.
Attribute Description
Physical appearance Height, weight, facial appearance, skin, hair, style of dress, body areas
How you relate to Co-workers, friends, family, and strangers in social settings
others
Personality Positive and negative personality traits
How other people see Positive and negative perceptions, as viewed by others
you
Performance at work or How you handle major tasks

school
Performance of the daily How you handle health, hygiene, maintenance of your living environment,
tasks of life food preparation, caring for children or parents
Mental functioning How you reason and solve problems, your capacity for learning and
creativity, your knowledge, wisdom, insights
Creating Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk allows you to recognize, validate, and apply your full potential with respect to all that
you are, and do. Also called affirmations (to make something firm), positive self-talk
serves as your own personal accomplishment scale. Below are some tips for positive
self-talk:
1. Use the present tense; deal with what exists today.
2. Be positive – rather than affirming what you don’t want.
3. Remain personal; self-talk must relate to you and you only.
4. Keep sentences short and simple.
5. Go with your gut. If it “clicks”, then just say it. Self-talk should feel positive, expanding, freeing,
and supporting.
6. Focus on new things, rather than changing what is.
7. Act “as if”; give yourself permission to believe the idea is true right now.
If self-talk is new to you, it is a good idea to first think about the things that are wonderful about you,
such as:
• I have someone I love, and we enjoy spending time together
• I am a mother or father, fulfilled in this role
• My career is challenging and fulfilling.
• When I learn something new, I feel proud.
• I am worthwhile because I breathe and feel; I am aware.
• When I feel pain, I love, I try to survive. I am a good person.

Identifying and Addressing Strengths and Weaknesses
After an individual has listed words and phrases for self-attributes, they can be
classified as strengths or weaknesses. This exercise also allows participants to re-
frame weaknesses into message that don’t feed a negative self-worth.
Case Study
Being a teacher can be a challenging job in the best of times. Johanna had an especially difficult class
with numerous disruptive students. They generally had a “don’t care about anything” attitude. This fact
saddened Johanna a lot. She loved teaching and when she encounters this type of attitude it weighed on
her.
She decided to take some time and start showing the children how much they actually meant to the
world. Giving them a positive talk and complimenting them got the students engaged and allowed them
to identify their self-worth. Johanna encouraged her students to use positive self-talk and to recognize
their strengths in themselves. The overall idea was to encourage her class to improve their lives and
personal opinions.

Module Six: Review Questions
1) Recognize the description for the following attribute: Performance of the daily tasks of life.
a) How you reason and solve problems, your capacity for learning and creativity, your
knowledge, wisdom, insights
b) How you handle health, hygiene, maintenance of your living environment, food preparation,
caring for children or parents
c) How you handle major tasks
d) Positive and negative personality traits
a) Worth is defined as “sufficiently good, important, or interesting to justify a specified action."

b) By being positive you can recognize your weaknesses
c) The main advantage of being positive is concealment of flaws
d) People with a sense of self-worth exude confidence in themselves
3) Which of the following IS NOT one of the tips for creating positive self-talk?
a) Use a lot of complicated technical terms, express your professionalism

b) Use the present tense; deal with what exists today
c) Keep sentences short and simple
d) Focus on new things, rather than changing what is
4) If self-talk is new to you, it is a good idea to:
a) Think about your worst flaws

b) Think about the things that are wonderful about you
c) Focus on changing your negative traits
d) Postpone self-talk until you find out more about it

a) Addressing strengths and weaknesses is used for focusing on the flaws

b) Addressing strengths and weaknesses allows individuals to re-frame weaknesses into
message that don’t feed a negative self-worth
c) Addressing strengths and weaknesses usually leads to negativism due to the awareness of
individual’s flaws
6) What DOES the exercise with addressing strengths and weaknesses NOT suggest?
a) Rewriting the weakness in more factual or positive terms

b) Reviewing your strengths
c) Using rewritten strengths and weaknesses to write a self-description that is accurate, fair,
and supportive
d) Selective listing of the most important strengths and weaknesses and possible avoiding of
some embarrassing traits

Clothes make the man. Naked people have
little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
Module Seven: Looking the Part

A person who has a strong sense of personal worth makes a
confident, positive appearance. Looking the part is important as it
influences the people around us. It will provide a boost to
confidence and in turn a boost to your performance. Once higher
performance is obtained it will then cycle back and make us more
confident. Looking the part is an important part of being more
assertive and confident as it is relatively quick and easy to do and
pays off great dividends.
The Importance of Appearance

In the dictionary, appearance is defined as an external show, or outward aspect.
Your confidence depends significantly on your personal thoughts and perceptions
about the way you look. Appearance is as important today as it ever was. The
first thing noticed when meeting someone new is their appearance. That is why it
is important as you only have one first impression.
The Role of Body Language

Body language is a form of non-verbal communication involving the use of
stylized gestures, postures, and physiologic signs which act as cues to other
people. Humans unconsciously send and receive non-verbal signals through
body language all the time.
One study at UCLA found that up to 93 percent of communication effectiveness

is determined by nonverbal cues. Another study indicated that the impact of a
performance was determined 7 percent by the words used, 38 percent by voice

quality, and 55 percent by non-verbal communication. Your body language must match the words used.
If a conflict arises between your words and your body language, your body language governs. The
components of body language include:
Eye contact: The impact of your message is affected by the amount of eye contact you maintain with the
person with whom you are speaking. One who makes eye contact is normally perceived as more
favorable and confident.
Posture: Find comfortable sitting and standing postures that work for you; avoid any rigid or slouching
positions.
Excessive or unrelated head, facial, hand and body Movement: Too much movement can divert
attention from the verbal message. Your facial expressions should match the type of statement you are
making; smile when saying “I like you”, and frowning when saying “I am annoyed with you”. Occasional
gestures that reinforce your verbal message are acceptable.
First Impressions Count

It takes as few as seven seconds – and no more than thirty seconds -- for
someone to form a first impression about you. Like it or not, people make
judgments about others right away based on a presenting appearance. And
you never have a second chance to make a first impression. Below are some
tips to help you make that positive first impression when someone.
• Body language. Remember that body language makes up to 55% of

a communication.
• Dress and grooming. It's less about your budget, and more about clean, pressed, and event-
appropriate clothing with neat grooming.
• Handshake. Use a medium to firm handshake grip, avoiding a weak handshake, or overly firm
one that can cause potential discomfort to another.
• Body Movement. Use a mirror, or enlist the help of a friend to make sure that your movements
are not overly active --and that they support the nature of your message.

Case Study
Mathew used to envy his best friend Carter. He always managed to succeed with whatever he touched.
Mathew did have a good idea on Carter’s secrets, but was challenged in practicing them. Mathew
realized that Carter has a great grasp on personal appearance, controlling body language, and
confidence.
His best friend learned that appearance was very important as the first impression that anyone makes is
based on it. Together with this, Mathew also observed how his friend seemed to have a perfect body
language that he controlled all the time. With these aspects in mind, Mathew started to experiment to
see if he could achieve anything by improving his appearance. With a new haircut and a new suit his felt
confident. This confidence improved overall his body language and he quickly learned that the secret
was hidden in plain sight all this time.

Module Seven: Review Questions
1) What is the dictionary definition of appearance?
a) Appearance is the style of an individual

b) Appearance is how other people see us
c) Appearance is an external show or outward aspect
d) Appearance is how we want other people to see us
2) How important is the appearance?
a) It is very important
b) It is a bit important
c) It is not important at all
d) Sometimes it is important, while sometimes it is not
3) Which of the following IS NOT a body language component?
a) Eye contact
b) Appearance
c) Posture
d) Excessive or unrelated head, facial, hand and body Movement
4) What happens when the words do not match the body language?
a) The words can be used for covering up the body language

b) The words govern
c) The body language governs
d) Nothing significant and visible happens
5) Which of the following IS NOT a key element of the first impression?
a) Handshake
b) Body movement
c) Dress and grooming
d) Attitudes
6) What is the usual duration of creating a first impression?
a) Up to 30 seconds
b) Couple of minutes
c) Five minutes
d) Ten minutes

The way we communicate with others and
with ourselves ultimately determines the
quality of our lives.
Anthony Robbins
Module Eight: Sounding the Part

Feeling and looking the part would not be complete without
voice. Given that we know that 38% of communication
effectiveness is governed by voice quality, improving your
overall voice message delivery is worthwhile.
It’s How You Say It

We are all born with a particular tone of voice, which we can learn to
improve. The goal is to sound upbeat, warm, under control, and clear.
Here are some tips to help you begin the process.
1. Breathe from your diaphragm
2. Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated; avoid caffeine because of its diuretic effects
3. Posture affects breathing, and also tone of voice, so be sure to stand up straight
4. To warm up the tone of your voice, smile
5. If you have a voice that is particularly high or low, exercise it’s by practicing speaking on a sliding
scale. You can also sing to expand the range of your voice.
6. Record your voice and listen to the playback
7. Deeper voices are more credible than higher pitched voices. Try speaking in a slightly lower
octave. It will take some practice, but with a payoff, just as radio personalities have learned
8. Enlist a colleague or family member to get feedback about the tone of your voice.

Sounding Confident
Since 38% of the messages received by a listener are governed by the tone
and quality of your voice, its pitch, volume and control all make a difference
in how confident you sound when you communicate. Below are some
specific tips.
Pitch (Pitch means how high or low your voice is.) Tip: Avoid a high-pitched
sound. Speak from your stomach, the location of your diaphragm.
Volume (The loudness of your voice must be governed by your diaphragm.) Tip: Speak through your
diaphragm, not your throat
Quality (The color, warmth, and meaning given to your voice contribute to quality.) Tip: Add emotion to
your voice. Smile as much as possible when you are speaking.
The need for assertive, confident communication can occur at any time, in virtually any place. So how do
you make this all come together? Here are some practice suggestions.
• Start simply and gain some experience in safe environments, such as at the grocery store, or
with family or friends
• Set aside time when you can read out loud without being disturbed; listen to yourself
• Challenge yourself to speak with someone new every day
• Set a realistic time frame to make the shift; don’t expect to change your speaking style
overnight.
REDUCING ANXIETY
Often, anxiety inhibits your ability to act and sound confident when speaking. Knowing how to perform
a quick relaxation exercise can help diffuse anxiety and allow you to speak more confidently.
Using “I” Messages

An “I” message is a statement specifically worded to express your feelings about a
particular situation. “I” messages begin with “I”, and are an excellent way to share your
feelings about particular behaviors -- without accusing the other person. There are four
types of “I” messages, each with varying parts.

Case Study
Tim understood that leading a business which has hundreds of employees is never an easy job. It
requires a wide variety of skills and knowledge in order to keep everything running smoothly. At the
same time, being a leader also means being a good influencing and inspiration to your employees and
co-workers. Tim began to have issues and problems with a number of his employees.
He came to the realization that some people were not paying attention to him. He decided to be more
aware how he communicated with his employees. He started improving his communication skills and his
tone of voice. This small change in his approach quickly improved the attitude of his employees.

Module Eight: Review Questions
1) How many percent of the communication effectiveness is governed by voice quality?
a) 74%
b) 21%
c) 47%
d) 38%
2) Which of the following is not listed as a tip for your voice quality?
a) Drink raw eggs

b) Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated; avoid caffeine because of its diuretic effects
c) Smile to warm up the tone of your voice
d) Enlist a colleague or family member to get feedback about the tone of your voice
3) Which of the following IS NOT something that makes difference in how confident do we sound?
a) Volume
b) Pitch
c) Quality
d) Voice type
4) What kind of influence does the anxiety have on your ability to sound confident?
a) It can force you to speak confident

b) It inhibits this ability
c) There is no rule – it can have both positive and negative influence
d) It does not have any influence
5) What is an ‘I’ message?
a) An intrusive and self-center statement worded to express your opinion

b) A manipulative statement for imposing of personal feelings and opinions
c) A statement specifically worded to express your feelings about a particular situation
6) How many types of ‘I’ messages exist?
a) One
b) Four
c) Ten
d) Three

It takes me at least three weeks to prepare an
impromptu speech.
Mark Twain
Module Nine: Powerful Presentations

Presentations made by assertive, self-confident people can achieve the
desired outcome. What can be more confident building than giving a
powerful presentation? Being prepared is the main tool in giving a
powerful presentation. Preparedness provides you with the ability to
be ready when the unexpected happens, or when you are called upon
to speak up or give a presentation.
What to Do When You’re on the Spot

Regardless of the situation, things are guaranteed to happen, and not always
according to plan. Irrespective of the presentation venue, four actions can help
you convert an interruption into an opportunity.
1. Always expect the unexpected!
2. At the beginning of the program, “work” the audience to pre-frame

them, to create a mindset. Through light remarks, humor, or other responses based on your
read of the group, leads them to make commitments to be playful, curious, flexible, and
energized.
3. Create several positive anchors that you can use later. An anchor is something unique that you
do or say that automatically puts the audience in a resourceful or emotional state. Examples
include: A unique smile, specific place where you stand, the word “yes” in a strong voice.
4. If something unexpected happens, first smile, and then quickly ask yourself “How can I turn this
event into an opportunity to create humor or illustrate a point?”

Using STAR to Make Your Case
STAR is an acronym that stands for Situation or Task, Thoughts and Feelings, Actions,
Results. The STAR Model helps you deal with recurring problem situations such as
repeated mental blocks or anxieties stemming from interpersonal situations. Using the
four points of a star as the visual representation, the STAR model prompts questions
that allow you to analyze the aspects of a problem situation -- and turn it around.
Case Study
Diana was at a conference representing her company. With over 200 attendees it was a little more than
she was used to deal with in regards to people. Before she left her office, she was told that all she had to
do was answer questions after the presentations. This didn’t bother her as she was used to taking one
on one type questions.
Instead, when she arrived, she was invited on stage to assist with the presentation. Diana quickly asked
whether it was a misunderstanding, but she had to go on stage. Being still, being chosen on the spot was
enough to make her a little nervous. She was well versed on the topic and carried out a good
presentation while smiling, and keeping a positive attitude. In the end, everyone was happy with her
speech and the day continued as planned, but Diana learned to always expect the unexpected.

Module Nine: Review Questions
1) What is an anchor?
a) It is a technique for organizing the presentation

b) It is an introduction for presentations
c) It is something unique that you do or say that automatically puts the audience in a
resourceful or emotional state
d) It is a conclusion for presentation
a) Presentations made by assertive, self-confident people can achieve the desired outcome.
b) Being prepared is the main tool in giving a powerful presentation
c) Regardless of the situation, things are guaranteed to happen, and not always according to
plan
d) Presentations are just formal and not so important
3) What are the elements of the STAR model?
a) Situation or Task, Tracking the feelings, Announcing, Results

b) Situation or Task, Thoughts and Feelings, Actions, Results
c) Situation or Task, Tracking the feelings, Actions, Reviews
d) Situation or Task, Thoughts and Feelings, Announcing, Reviews
4) The STAR model can help you to:
a) Improve your voice quality

b) Control your body language
c) Improve your appearance
d) Deal with repeated mental blocks and anxiety
a) Humor is good for the beginning of presentation

b) It is difficult to fix the bad impressions after an accidental mistake during the presentation
c) You should always expect the unexpected
d) You can use the unexpected moments as an opportunity to illustrate a point
a) The STAR model helps you analyze a problem situation and turn it around
b) The STAR model is a readymade solution to a problem situation
c) The efficiency of the STAR model is not completely researched

Communication is both a science and an art.
Mark Sanborn
Module Ten: Coping Techniques

An assertive, self-confident person uses a variety of coping techniques
to deal with the challenges of interpersonal communication. Many of
these techniques come from the school of neuro-linguistic
programming. NLP began in California in the mid-1970s, when
graduate Richard Bandler joined a group at the University of Santa
Cruz headed by linguistics professor John Grinder. NLP is defined as
models and techniques to help understand and improve
communication -- and to enhance influencing behavior.
Building Rapport
Rapport is the relation of harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity to support an
outcome. The intended outcome is more likely with rapport than if it is not present.
There is a sense of a shared understanding with another person.
Mirroring – matching certain behaviors of a person with whom you are interacting --
is the process used to establish rapport. There are four techniques for mirroring to
build rapport.
1. Voice tone or tempo

2. Matching breathing rate
3. Matching movement rhythms
4. Matching body postures
Levels of rapport range on a continuum from a low of tolerance to a high of seduction. For business,
strive for levels of neutral, lukewarm, understanding, identification, or warm, all in the center of the
continuum.

Expressing Disagreement
Representations systems determine by the brain give us cues about how
individuals process information. People can be classified as predominantly:
• Visual (The things we see)
• Auditory (The things we hear)
• Kinesthetic (The things we feel, touch, taste, or smell)
Both the type of words used, and the speaker’s eye movement provide indicators of the system type. In
a conversation, once we understand which type our conversation partner is, we can use the same
system language to match the person’s type, helping to ensure more reception to our message.
Coming to Consensus
Whether there is a disagreement on a particular issue, or you simply need to get a
group to agree, neuro-linguistics offers a solution. To plan, make the following
decisions:
1. What do you want your outcome to be?
2. How will you know when the outcome is achieved?
3. Who will attend the meeting? (Important: Each person invited to the meeting must have
information needed for two out of three agenda items.)
Then, establish rapport as participants come into the meeting.
Now you are ready to use the PEGASUS model to achieve your desired outcomes.
Present outcomes
Explain evidence
Gain agreement on outcomes
Activate sensory acuity
Summarize each major decision
Use the relevancy challenge
Summarize the next step.

Case Study
A successful business meeting requires all of the participants to speak and showcase their point of view
on a certain matter. Chris was a confident person and this helped him demonstrate the benefits of his
company to potential investors. With some successful presentations Chris was able to line up a number
of great investors and new partners.
Building rapport was easy for Chris. He had the great ability to recognize and overcome prospects
objections. With this skill he was one of the top performers in the company. However, as he knew his
goals well, he managed to track everything the investors spoke about and finally came to an agreement
which was successful for Chris.

Module Ten: Review Questions
1) When did the NLP begin?
a) In 70’s
b) In 40’s
c) In 00’s
d) In 50’s
2) Which of the following IS NOT one of the four techniques for mirroring to build rapport?
a) Matching breathing rate

b) Matching body postures
c) Voice tone or tempo
d) Improving manipulation skills
3) Which of the following is not a category for classifying people by their expressing?
a) Visual
b) Auditory
c) Metaphysical
d) Kinesthetic
4) What provides the indicators of the system type?
a) Both the type of words used, and the speaker’s eye movement
b) The type of words used
c) The speaker’s eye movement
5) Which of the following questions is not a part of the neuro-linguistic solution for disagreement
on a particular issue?
a) How will you know when the outcome is achieved?

b) Who will attend the meeting?
c) What do you want your outcome to be?
d) Who is right?
6) What is the PEGASUS model used for?
a) For organizing the meeting

b) For determining who is right
c) For achieving the desired outcome
d) For analyzing the issues

The ability to work with people is as
purchasable a commodity as coffee or sugar,
but I’ll pay for it more than any other ability
under the sun.
John D. Rockefeller
Module Eleven: Dealing with Difficult Behavior

Each of us can probably think of at least one difficult personality
with whom we have had to deal with, either at work or in our
personal lives. With a strategy, it is possible to learn what the
person does to annoy you, and what you might be doing to
aggravate the situation.
Dealing with Difficult Situations

A difficult person can be your boss, your co-worker, or anyone else. He or
she behaves in a way that is disruptive to business or life outside of work. In
a work setting, often the functioning of a team is disturbed leading to a
disruption of the work flow, flared tempers, and gossip. The bottom line is
that work suffers and difficult situations cost organizations money.
To deal with difficult people, we innately try to apply coping filters, such as:
• Removing virtually all positive attributes about the person. (“He was my worst hiring mistake…”)
• Defaming him or her (We build consensus with others against the person)
• Explaining the person in negative terms.
Anger also plays a big part; feeling angry, we instinctively use anger to try to manage the situation.
To break the cycle of negativity, take time to answer the following questions:
1. What observable behaviors or statements did the person perform or say?
2. What is the most positive interpretation an outside witness would make? The most negative?

3. What will you gain by interpreting the difficult person’s actions or words in as positive a light as
possible?
4. What would you do or say when you respond to the difficult person if you viewed his or her
actions in a positive light? What is stopping you from responding this way?
Key Tactics
Three strategies will help you gather facts and use targeted strategies to deal
with the person or the situation.
Active Listening
The first tactic, and possibly the most important, is to listen empathetically,
which is listening while trying to be sensitive to the various components and
levels of the message. We’ve already learned some strategies in module four for active listening. In
addition, try to listen for the following information:
• The Why: Why is the person communicating with me?
• The Length: What can the size of the message tell me about the importance of the message to
the person?
• The Words: Does the person use formal, aloof language? Impatience?
• The Volume and Pace: What emotional pressures can be sensed?
Note taking after a Discussion
A second tactic is to write down your recollection of the discussion that just took place. The notes can be
used to support your next communication with the difficult person. Note taking also gives you the
opportunity to plan and organize before the next communication takes place.
Writing Your Communication
Putting your thoughts into writing has three important benefits:
1. The difficult person cannot interrupt with an objection
2. It’s easier to provide orderly communication in writing than in a discussion
3. Written communication is pure; there is no body language to shape the outcome, reducing the
possibility of mixed messages.

Case Study
Elis was accused of losing some important papers by her co-worker. She was called into her boss’s office
to explain the situation. Her boss was sometimes a difficult person to work with when issues like this
appeared. Elis listened to her boss and noted his volume, tone, and what type of language he was using.
By sitting there and just listening it allowed her to think positively and have a clear picture of the
situation. Elis finally explained that she was away for a couple of days on vacation and that there is no
way that the papers were with her. In the end, it turned out that her co-worker was guilty for the loss of
the documents.

Module Eleven: Review Questions
1) Which of the following IS NOT an innate coping filter for dealing with difficult people?
a) Removing virtually all positive attributes about the person

b) Trying to explain the person’s behavior rationally
c) Defaming him or her
d) Explaining the person in negative terms
2) Which of the following questions IS NOT helpful for breaking the cycle of negativity?
a) What will you gain by interpreting the difficult person’s actions or words in as positive a light
as possible?
b) What would you do or say when you respond to the difficult person if you viewed his or her
actions in a more negative light?
c) What is the most positive interpretation an outside witness would make?
d) What observable behaviors or statements did the person perform or say?
3) Which of the following is not one of the key strategies for dealing with difficult persons?
a) Note taking after communication

b) Active listening
c) Writing your communication
d) Collecting information about the difficult person from coworkers
4) Which of the following is an element of active listening?
a) Type of voice
b) The why
c) The words
d) The length

a) The notes can be used to support your next communication with the difficult person
b) Note taking gives you the opportunity to plan and organize before the next communication
takes place
c) Note taking is just a matter of formality
d) Taking notes implies the recollection of the discussion that just took place
6) Which of the following is not among the important benefits of writing your communication?
a) The difficult person cannot interrupt with an objection

b) It’s easier to provide orderly communication in writing than in a discussion
c) The difficult person will stop being difficult
d) Written communication is pure; there is no body language to shape the outcome, reducing
the possibility of mixed messages

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes
courage is the quiet voice at the end of the
day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."
Mary Anne Radmacher
Module Twelve: Wrapping Up

Although this workshop is coming to a close, we hope that your
journey to improve your Assertiveness skills is just beginning. Please
take a moment to review and update your action plan. This will be a
key tool to guide your progress in the days, weeks, months, and
years to come. We wish you the best of luck on the rest of your
travels!
Words from the Wise

• Sharon Anthony Bower: The basic difference between being assertive and being
aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of
others.
• Cal Le Mon: Assertiveness is not what you do, it's who you are!
• Robert Collier: Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your
belief in yourself.

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Assertiveness and Self-Confidence

Atlantic Speakers Bureau and Human Skills Development

Atlantic Speakers Bureau and Human Skills Development

Module Two: What Does Self-Confidence Mean To You? ....................................................................5

What is Self-Confidence? .......................................................................................................................... 6

The Four Styles .......................................................................................................................................... 6

Module Two: Review Questions................................................................................................................ 9

Module Three: Obstacles to Our Goals ............................................................................................. 10

Personal Application ............................................................................................................................... 12

Module Three: Review Questions ........................................................................................................... 13

Module Four: Communication Skills ................................................................................................. 15

Asking Questions .................................................................................................................................... 16

Body Language ....................................................................................................................................... 17

Module Four: Review Questions ............................................................................................................. 19

Module Five: The Importance of Goal Setting ................................................................................... 20

Setting SMART Goals .............................................................................................................................. 21

Our Challenge to You .............................................................................................................................. 22

Atlantic Speakers Bureau and Human Skills Development

Module Five: Review Questions .............................................................................................................. 23

Module Six: Feeling the Part ............................................................................................................. 24

Creating Positive Self-Talk ...................................................................................................................... 25

Identifying and Addressing Strengths and Weaknesses ......................................................................... 26

Module Six: Review Questions ................................................................................................................ 27

Module Seven: Looking the Part ....................................................................................................... 29

The Role of Body Language .................................................................................................................... 29

First Impressions Count........................................................................................................................... 30

Module Seven: Review Questions ........................................................................................................... 32

Module Eight: Sounding the Part ...................................................................................................... 33

Using “I” Messages ................................................................................................................................. 34

Module Eight: Review Questions ............................................................................................................ 36

Module Nine: Powerful Presentations .............................................................................................. 37

Using STAR to Make Your Case ............................................................................................................... 38

Module Nine: Review Questions ............................................................................................................. 39

Module Ten: Coping Techniques ....................................................................................................... 40

Atlantic Speakers Bureau and Human Skills Development

Expressing Disagreement ....................................................................................................................... 41

Coming to Consensus .............................................................................................................................. 41

Module Ten: Review Questions .............................................................................................................. 43

Module Eleven: Dealing with Difficult Behavior ................................................................................ 44

Key Tactics .............................................................................................................................................. 45

Module Eleven: Review Questions .......................................................................................................... 47

Module Twelve: Wrapping Up .......................................................................................................... 49

Atlantic Speakers Bureau and Human Skills Development

Module One: Getting Started

• Practice sending positive communications phrased as “I-Messages”

• Display rapport-building skills through assertive methods of expressing disagreement and

• Practice strategies for gaining positive outcomes in difficult interpersonal situations.

Page 4 Atlantic Speakers Bureau and Human Skills Development

Module Two: What Does Self-Confidence Mean To You?

Page 5 Atlantic Speakers Bureau and Human Skills Development

The Four Styles

The Passive Person

Passive behavior is the avoidance of the expression of opinions or feelings,

• “I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”

• “I don’t know what my rights are.”

• “I get stepped on by everyone."

• “I’m weak and unable to take care of myself.”

• “People never consider my feelings.”