Personal Development 11 [Second Quarter Module 1]

Pre-assessment

Let’s find out how much you know about this topic.
Direction: Encircle and choose the letter of the best answer.
1. Which of the following things can have an effect on the development of an individual’s personality?
a. Physical and mental capabilities c. Health and physical appearance
b. Skin color, gender, and sexual orientation. d. All of the above.
2. Which of these determines whether real actions are performed in accordance with the plan?
a. Experience b. Knowledge c. Skills d. Talents
3. What arises from the uncertainty in an unknown situation when a lack of information creates the risk of negative consequences of your
actions?
a. Ideas b. Skill c. Stress d. Problems
4. What possible remedy can you do if you have poor social skill?
a. Attend speech lessons. b. Attend music and dance lessons.
b. Attend personality development sessions. d. Any of the above mentioned ways are possible.
5. Which of the following is part of an ideal self?
a. Born to have b. You aspire to be
b. What actually you see d. Built in self- knowledge

➢ Lecture
UNDERSTANDING PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Relationship

It is said that every kind of relationship is a two-way traffic which means that all parties should learn how to give and take. There are different
forms of relationships and each of us has a clear description for each of these forms. We certainly have our own ways of creating and improving
these relationships.

Let us try to define each one of them. In this lesson, you will be able to understand what personal relationship really is. Personal relationship is
practically the kind of relationship that we have with our families, friends, and partners in life. This definition also applies to our relationship with
those people who are significant to us.

Affection is one of human beings' greatest emotions. There is a lot of passion, but more are conveyed in an intimate partnership with a
compatible partner. Romantic attachments are one of the most important aspects of life for these people, and a source of tremendous fulfillment.
However, the will to create a human link seems innate, which develops our ability to build a healthy and loving relationship. Some suggest that
early childhood begins to develop the capacity to create a healthy relationship with a nanny who regularly satisfies the child's food, treatment,
comfort, protection, stimulation, and social interaction needs. Such partnerships are not destinies, but are hypothesized to establish deeply
embedded relationship patterns with others. The end of a relationship is however also a source of significant mental trauma.

❖ PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP- is a form of relationship closely linked to a person and which can only be important to that person.

KINDS OF PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

• PRIVACY and INTIMACY- are two attributes describing personal relationships and level of commitment to another person/s
• IMPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP- commitment to an organization like a business entity, a principle or purpose.
• ATTRACTION- it is a force that unites people and can grow into an attachment which eventually leads to commitment.

Everybody knows when they go into a room packed with friendly faces, and while they seem open and able to speak, there is only one face
standing out from the crowd. There may be a lot of people in the room who are physically attractive, but you do not seem to keep your eyes away
from one person.

Here are some of the attractions you need to remember:

1. PHYSICAL ATTRACTION IS BASED ON INSTINCT

Most people would claim that they are attracted to someone after a few seconds of their first encounter. April Masini, who also
gives ABC Entertainment News relation advice, wrote books like Date out of Your League, suggests that females are naturally attracted to
men who exude affection and passion and seem to live a fascinating life. Heterosexuals tend to be attracted to men with traditionally
masculine features including muscle body, square jaw, straight nose, and narrow eyes, physically or emotionally. These physical
properties often include higher testosterone levels, common among "alpha males." Alpha males display a particular personality trait,
including directness, determination, and power.

2. PHYSICAL ATTRACTION DOES NOT NECESSARILY LEAD TO A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

The first physical attraction is a very poor indicator, according to Dr. Margaret Paul, an expert in relationship who has a Ph.D. in
psychology, about how well a relationship performs that can lead to a feeling about abandonment.

3. PLATONIC ATTRACTION IS IMPORTANT

You also consider how trustworthy he or she seems to be and how loving he or she is, in addition to how physically attractive
your future partner is. Is he calling, for instance, when he says he's going? Does she answer the phone if you call her? Is he going to find
little things and compliments? When you talk about movies or sports you like, does she even listen to you? The building blocks of deep
emotional links are also common interests.

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 Having a common family history may also be helpful. Aaron Ben-Ze'ev, a professor of philosophy and author of The Subtlety of
Emotion, suggests that your relationship may benefit from physical proximity, living close to your interest in love. Believe it or not, it
seems that simply living in the same city or neighborhood makes people experience more platonic attractions with each other.

4. THE UNATTAINABLE IS ATTRACTIVE

We just want something that cannot be achieved. According to Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Professor at the Rutgers Department of
Anthropology and Chief Scientific Advisor to the Chemistry online dating service, it will still be attractive to someone we consider "out-of-
the-league" because they are ideal. As a way to force ourselves to strengthen both our body appearance and our social status, we could
be producing these frustrating crushes. At the same time, loving yourself and being patient is the most important thing, because it is
impossible to genuinely love someone else without loving yourself first.

❖ ATTRACTION

Proximity and similarity contribute to relationship-building, and reciprocity and self-disclosure are critical for sustaining relationships. Yet,
what characteristics do we find attractive about a person? We don't shape relationships with someone who lives or works in our vicinity, so
how do we determine which particular individuals we want as friends and partners? Researchers have documented several characteristics
which are attractive to humans. People differ in what they consider attractive, and cultural influences on attractiveness. Nevertheless,
research indicates that some commonly attractive characteristics in women include wide eyes, high cheekbones, a thin jaw line, a slim build
(Buss 1989), and a lower waist-to-hip ratio (Singh 1993). Likewise, attractive features of men include being tall, having broad shoulders, and a
small waist (Buss 1989). Both men and women with high levels of facial and body symmetry are commonly seen as more attractive than
asymmetric individuals (Fink, Neave, Manning and Grammer 2006; Penton-Voak et al. 2001; Rikowski and Grammer 1999). In future female
partners, social characteristics that people consider attractive include comfort, empathy, and social skills; in males, the desirable
characteristics include competence, leadership abilities, and work skills (Regan and Berscheid 1997). While humans want physically attractive
mates, this doesn't mean we are looking for the most attractive person possible. In fact, this observation has led some to pr opose what is
known as the matching hypothesis that asserts that people tend to choose someone they see as their equal in physical attractiveness and
social desirability (Taylor et. al. 2011).

People weigh the attractiveness of a potential partner against the probability of succeeding with that individual. If you believe you are
particularly unattractive (even if you are not), you would probably be looking for partners that are fairly unattractive (i.e. unattractive in physical
appearance or behaviour).

Typically, we love the people we make relationships with, but the sort of love we have for our families, friends, and lovers is special.
Robert Sternberg (1986) suggested that love has three components: affection, passion, and dedication. These three components form a triangle
that distinguishes many forms of love: this is known as the triangular love theory by Sternberg. Love is sometimes characterized by intimacy which
is the sharing of details and emotions and intimate thoughts.

Sternberg (1986) states that a healthy relationship will have all three components of love – intimacy, passion, and commitment – which
are described as consummate love. At different stages of life, however, different aspects of love may prevail more. Other types of love involve
affection, described as intimacy, but not passion or commitment. Infatuation is love without engagement or intimacy. Empty love means
engagement without passion or intimacy. Companionate love, characteristic of close friendships and family relationships, is affection and loyalty
but there is no passion. Passion and affection describe romantic love, but no engagement. Lastly, fatuous love is characterized by passion and
devotion but no intimacy, such as a long-term sexual love affair.

There are a lot of key components of attraction that may be the reason for someone liking others. Some of those are:

▪ Physical Attractiveness

Attractive people draw out a more positive first impression. Initially, people tend to be influenced by what they see. Even the younger
ones prefer to look at faces that adults consider attractive rather than at opposite ones (Langlois, et.al. 1991). Our perception of beauty, though,
differs from one another since it can be influenced by culture, educational background, social status, etc. Everyone has his/her idea of what or who
is attractive based on physical appearance.

Facial features like the shape and color of the eyes, the nose, the lips, and even the cheekbones and jaw have an impact when talking
with another person or people; the built of the body, the color of the hair, the complexion, the smoothness of the skin, and the smile also may be
considered with impact as these are the first things available elements presented even without interaction. It could also be added that certain
similarities in facial and bodily symmetry or resemblance with anyone they knew, with someone they like, or with a person they used to talk with,
could also be determinants of liking another person or people.

▪ Similarity

When you are tasked by your teacher to select a partner for an activity, who do you usually choose? Why? The common answer might be
a friend who used to be with you, perhaps, because there is a connection between the two of you that you do not have with others. We can say
that you are “on the same wavelength” that is why you find it easy to get along with him/her because you share the same interests and opinions.

Many researches support that similarity causes attraction. Oftentimes, people classify other people based on information they already
knew about them. That is social categorization, wherein, people mentally group others on where they belong and that with the same
characteristics with them, like group age, religion, personality, attitude, social status, or education. Thus, this social categorization has a negative

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effect. When people rely too much on that mentality, it results to stereotyping, where someone is being judged by others only because they were
part of a specific group they knew and not based on who he/she is.

▪ Proximity

One of the important aspects of any relationship is distance. Proximity pertains to physical distance with other people and it is related to
functional distance (how often people interact or communicate with each other). The more you encounter or interact with the person, the more
you allow yourself to get to know him/her better which leads to a better relationship like friendship or intimate relationship. Most likely, the
people always near you just like your classmate or neighbor has a big tendency to become your friend. Reciprocity

We tend to get along with people or with someone whom we have the same feelings toward. It is called reciprocity. It is when feelings
with someone are being reciprocated or returned in the same way as you do. According to Brannan and Mohr, authors of one of the modules of in
the book of Together: The Science of Social Psychology, “Another way to think of it is that relationships are built on a give and take; if one side is
not reciprocating, then the relationship is doomed”. These may happen in any relationship, with friends, classmates, family members, or romantic
partners. The attraction is something that may happen in different ways, with different people, and in different circumstances, and may lead to a
much deeper connection or relation with others.

❖ Love
It appears that the word Love has many meanings. Some definitions in the Meriam-Webster dictionary are:
1. (a) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties;
(b) attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers;
(c) affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests
2. An assurance of affection Any discussion about love piques the curiosity and interest of young adults your age. It may differ depending on
one’s experience and knowledge of love, though. Sometimes, it may affect the emotional and psychological being of a person, thus
influencing his/her emotion toward another. This emotional bond depends on the presence or absence of support from others.

Since love has its different types, we could say that it may
happen any time, to any individual, at a different level with
people around us like friends, classmates, neighbors, family
members, etc. The quality of a relationship is how both partners
relate to each other. There are different ways in showing love
with our loved ones or partners and are emphasized in Three
(3) attachment styles we display when we interact with our
parents, our friends, and our romantic partners (Eastwick &
Finkel, 2008).

Secure Attachment Style – a healthy style wherein the

children used to receive care and easily communicate with the
parents since they feel that they are always available to listen
and keep them safe. Anxious/ambivalent Attachment Style -
when children are lacking or seeking more affection from
parents because they are too dependent on them. Avoidant
Attachment Style – it is when children are distant to the
parent/s, sometimes due to unpleasant experiences. These
attachment styles have a big effect or impact on how an
individual perceived and expresses behavior with or towards
others.

Commitment

You already have an idea of what attraction is, how it happens, and how it grows, also the types of love and how each type related and
comprised with. Now, let us have the commitment and how this thing may happen and how it will last.

It is a long-term relationship between individuals. A more complex relationship that resulted to increasingly turn to each other not only for
social support but also for help in coordinating activities, remembering dates and appointments, and accomplishing tasks (Wegner, Erber, &
Raymond, 1991). Many people say that for you to be able to have a successful relationship, you should know your similarities and differences;
understand your partner’s needs and desires; and invest time and effort to work things out and last for a lifetime. Dr. Rajiv Jhangiani and Dr.
Hammond Tarry reiterated the Slotter et al., 2011 that “commitment refers to the feelings and action that keep partners working together to
maintain the relationship”. Any relationship will last through the cooperation of both parties, without this, the relationship will not last and ends
with breaking up.

Commitment is a choice, a long and not an easy process that needs to be participated by you and your partner.

Understanding the Acceptable and Unacceptable Means of Expressing Attractions Toward The Opposite Sex

You have understood well the essential traits of a good relationship. This time, allow yourself to open your mind to see the difference
between acceptable and unacceptable means of expressing attractions towards the opposite sex. In this way, you will also have a chance to
unlearn the bad practices that you have in showing how attracted you are to someone. Filipino society has set standards for terribly unacceptable
way to demonstrate someone's attractions against those who are practically acceptable. Perhaps you are asking why it is important to understand

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and realize these things. Filipino culture is bound to believe that a decent display of someone's feeling is also a must to be accepted by society. It is
a major disappointment that anyone who fails to follow this standard will be classified as poorly educated by society or the community, or how
one’s parents failed at parenting. Because of the Filipinos’ culture of decency, the Republic of the Philippines seriously believed that the issues of
people's means of expressing attractions to the opposite sex or gender can be legally addressed. The Republic Act (RA) 11313, otherwise known as
the Safe Space Act, intentionally prohibits indecent and unlawful acts of expression. This RA broadens the scope of the RA 7877 or the Anti-
Harassment Act of 1995. This law recognizes that sexual harassment occurs in the workplace, education, and training environments, and penalizes
persons who have authority, influence, and moral status in those institutions who commit prohibited acts of sexual harassment. While the Safe
Space Act addresses these gaps in our legal framework by recognizing that sexual harassment can be committed between peers. A good example of
this are: a subordinate to a superior, a student to a teacher, or a trainee to a trainer.

What Makes a Healthy and Acceptable Expression of Attractions? As you are happy to see and spend time with your partner, you know
that you are in a stable relationship. No partnership is ever perfect, and when basic conflicts arise, causing tension with others, you will certainly
feel that the relationship is unstable for a moment. There are many factors that lead to the growth and maintenance of healthy and acceptable
relationships, including:

1) Mutual respect. Will he or she get to know how smart and why you are? Will your partner listen to you when you say you are not happy
doing something and then instantly back off? Respect in a partnership means that each partner trusts and respects the weaknes ses of
each other and will never question them.
2) Trust. You talk to a classmate, and your partner wanders about. Is he going to lose his cool, or is he going to keep walking, because he
knows you are never going to cheat on him? Often it's normal to get a little jealous; jealousy is a common feeling. But how a person
reacts when he feels jealous is what matters. Though you trust each other, there is no guarantee that you will have a healthy
relationship.
3) Honesty. This one goes hand-in - hand with confidence, because when one of you is not honest, it is difficult to trust another. Have you
ever caught your partner in a total lie? Like when she told you that she / he was occupied with homework, but it turned out that she / he
was talking to friends? You're going to have a lot of difficulty believing the next time she / he says she / he has to work and the trust will
be on dangerous foundations.
4) Support. It is not only in difficult times that you should be supported by your partner. Usually, when the whole world is falling apar t, we
thought that this is the only time we need support from others. Even in your best, you still need support and when time gets tough, your
significant other should still be there. For instance, your partner should be there when you find out that your parents are b reaking apart
and he/she should also rejoice with you when you get a great score.
5) Fairness/Equality. You need to have a give and a take in your relationship. Do you take turns deciding what kind of food to eat? Are you
going out with your friends as a partner as much as you stay out with your friends? If it is not a fair balance, you will know. When a
relationship transforms into a power struggle, with one party trying to get his or her way all the time, changes get really fast.
6) Separate identities. In a stable relationship, everybody has to make compromises. But that does not mean you should have the feeling
that you are losing yourself. You both had your own lives when you started out (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that
should not change. You should not pretend to like something that you do not like, or give up seeing your mates, or give up something
that you love. And you should also feel free to build new abilities or interests, make new friends, and move forward.
7) Good Communication. Are you going to speak to each other and share the feelings that matter to you? Don't keep your emotions locked
up because you are afraid your partner does not even need to hear about it. And if you need some time to think about something before
you are ready to talk about it, you will be provided some space by the right person to do that.

Importance of Relationship

Valuing the feelings of our family, friends, and partner or significant other can only be evident if we open our eyes to realize the
importance of that relationship. Now, the question lies with ‘How do we see the importance of relationships?’ The significance of any relationship
can never be realized if we cannot see the beauty that it brings in our lives. The moment we realize how relationships actually shape us as a person
is the moment that we realize the importance of relationships in our interactions and behavior. Some of the importances of relationships are:

1) Lead us to make healthy relationships. All kinds of relationships can give you the opportunities to establish a stronger relationship
with your shared experiences and feelings with your loved ones.
2) Help us see our potential. People who love you will always see the wonderful things in you. Through this loving and supportive
atmosphere, you little by little grow as a person, seeing your worth with your capabilities and unique gift and talent.
3) Boost our confidence. It makes you feel you’re the luckiest person in the world whenever someone trusts you sufficiently enough. It
makes your spirit enthusiastic and gives you the delightful feeling of self-assurance.
4) Give you a sense of direction. The idea and feeling of sense of belongingness is such a great source of direction. If you care to give
yourself the reward of having a good life and reputation, you will absolutely do more for the people you dearly love.
5) Clear our life goals and aspirations. Relationships will help you focus on one goal and concentrate in achieving it because as the sun
sets you know you have someone whom you can pleasingly offer and share the blissful feeling of a victorious life with.
6) Build a beautiful person within you. Having all the positive attitudes towards life and one’s self can really create a good aura.
Portraying good personalities can even make you appear and feel young and lovely.

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 Name: _______________________________ Date: ________________

Section: _______________________ Scores: ______________

Activity 1: Self- Concept Inventory

Direction: Take a look at your own self-concept and answer the following self-concept inventory. Give yourself a rating using the scale:
0 = very weak; 1 = weak; 2 = somewhat weak or somewhat strong; 3 = strong; 4 = very strong

15. My friends and classmates can look up to me as a

1. I have strong sex appeal.
model worth emulating
2. I am proud of my physical figure. 16. I can express my ideas without difficulty.
17. I talk in a persuasive manner that I can easily get
3. I am physically attractive and beautiful/handsome.
people to accept what I say.
4. I exude with charm and poise. 18. I am a mature person.

5. I am easy to get along with. 19. I am a good listener.

6. I can adjust to different people and different
20. I am logical and rational in my outlook and decisions.
situations
7. I am approachable; other people are at ease and 21. I am emotionally stable and not easily rattled when
comfortable with me. faced with trouble.
8. I am lovable and easy to love. 22. I feel and act with confidence.
9. I am a fast learner, can understand with one
23. I can express my ideas in writing without difficulty.
instruction.
24. My friends and classmates can look up to me as a
10. I am intelligent.
model worth emulating
11. I have special talents and abilities 25. I can express my ideas without difficulty.
12. I can easily analyze situations and make right 26. I talk in a persuasive manner that I can easily get
judgments. people to accept what I say.
13. I can be trusted in any transaction. 27. I am a mature person.
14. I have a clear conscience and carry no guilty
28. I am a good listener.
feeling.
15. I have integrity and good reputation. 29. I am logical and rational in my outlook and decisions.

Activity 2: It’s Me!

Direction: Inside the box, draw an object, animal or any representation of yourself. You may use coloring materials to enhance your work. Use the
space provided for your short discussion about your output.

Activity 3: MY BANNER – THE TREASURE WITHIN ME

Direction: In the spaces indicated by numbers, write down the following:
• 1 and 2 two things I do very well
• 3 and 4 my two greatest achievements in life
• 5 what in myself am I proudest of
• 6 my happiest moment
• 7 positive words that my friends use to describe me
• 8 a personal goal that I have already achieved
• 9 three blessings for which I am most thankful to God
• 10 three of my positive qualities
• 11 difficulties, challenges and problems that I was able to solve and overcome

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 7
11
9
8

10

1 5 3
2

4
6

Processing Questions:

1. What do you consider as your weaknesses, abilities and talents?

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. What are the remedies you will take to improve or compensate for your weakness?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
3. How can you further enrich your assets and strengths?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Activity 4: My Story, My Say

Direction: In a long bond paper, share an event/s in your life where you were able to use your strengths and manage and conquer your weakness.
Discuss what you have learned from that experience/s.

➢ Post Assessment
Multiple Choices: Choose and encircle the letter of the best answer.
1. What possible remedy can you do if you have poor social skill?
a. Attend speech lessons. b. Attend music and dance lessons.
b. Attend personality development sessions. d. Any of the above mentioned ways are possible.
2. Which of these determines whether real actions are performed in accordance with the plan?
a. Experience b. Knowledge c. Skills d. Talents
3. Which of the following is part of an ideal self?
a. Born to have b. You aspire to be
b. What actually you see d. Built in self- knowledge
4. What arises from the uncertainty in an unknown situation when a lack of information creates the risk of negative consequences of your
actions?
a. Ideas b. Skill c. Stress d. Problems
5. Which of the following things can have an effect on the development of an individual’s personality?
a. Physical and mental capabilities b. Health and physical appearance
b. Skin color, gender, and sexual orientation. d. All of the above

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