Everybody lives

okay but WHERE is my fic where Kakashi gets time-jutsu’d into his 12-yo self and Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura have to put up with him being An Insufferable And Traumatised Menace instead of their sensible voice of reason

WHERE IS I T

Look I know we all spend a lot of time talking about sns and all of that shit around the valley of the end but like… what about Kakashi’s perspective at the valley of the end?

Like you end the war, yay, hallelujah, but then the Angry One That You Failed betrays everybody which like. Fair enough and expected at this point, he’s been a traitor for a while, but literally you and your third student are the only ones awake. Like it is just you guys. Of course, Loud One does his whole shctick about love that he’s done for the past 438385952.03 years every time somebody mentions Angry One’s name and they challenge eachother to fight, because. Because what did you even fucking expect at this point? These two to think about the end of the world instead of their weird repressed homosexuality and oblivious teenage romance for once? As fucking if. Angry One wants a revolution but apparently that means controlling the world in a weird genjutsu which doesn’t make sense but like nothing about either of these two has ever made sense at all and honestly you’re a little tired at this point and wish the Angry One would just burn down Konoha or the world or something so you can go back to reading porn instead of uh. Whatever the fuck else you’re doing as witness to these weird teenagers who are also sort of gods. God you should have brought Icha Icha with you but it seems you were born to suffer.

But then Angry One puts Pinky in a genjutsu and she passes out which is just great because now you have to make sure she doesn’t die, and in all honesty because you four are the only ones alive you could probably just dump her in a location and try to prevent the fight between these two dimwits to save the world but like,,, it’s been a long day, y’know? So you just let them go off to fight and God, you are getting way to fucking old for this shit. Your never taking on another genin team even if it kills you, that’s for sure.

You kinda doubt that Yellow can talk his way out of these one, but for some reason despite being the most obnoxious person you’ve ever met in your life, that kid could probably talk somebody into cutting off their own fucking arm with a rusty saw blade for reasons unknown to everyone except god himself. hopefully not destroy the world in the process and like hopefully Angry One dies because it’ll be one hell of a fucking mess if he lives and in some distant sane part of your mind you know how fucked up that is but you haven’t slept in like six weeks and you’ve been bathing in the blood of your nameless faceless comrades since you were like eight years old so like. What’s a little more blood on your hands, you know? Anything for a fuckin’ nap. Also, it feels like literally seven minutes ago when you found out that Obito is still alive and you are still fucking reeling from that you know it’s kind of like figuring out your entire life was a lie and all of the guilt you’ve carried forever was too but you’ll find something else to feel guilty about. Sasukes a good candidate, right? Eh, later, when you’re in your right mind and if you survive, then you can work all of that shit out. Basically your brain has been shredded to ribbons but you still somehow found the capacity to be annoyed with your students, which, like, isn’t new.

Anyway, days or like hours or something pass, and you’re not dead so that’s a good sign, but eventually Pinky wakes up, asking about the boys or something. So you take her to find them, at the valley of the end, and she is somehow less delirious then you, which is really fucking weird. Like how old is this kid, sixteen? Eleven? You have never needed a drink so bad in your entire fucking life. Damn it. Maybe Tsunade will put you into a coma after this is all over if you beg. Anyway, you come over the crest of the hill, and wow they’re fucking dead man. like they are just dead. they are laying next to eachother with their hands blown off and a heart made of blood in between their outstretched hands. you’re not even fucking surprised anymore. You’re too tired for that bullshit. Pinky freaks out because of course she does and goes to save them and you’re starting to wonder why the fuck she even bothers because her crush is gayer then you are and that’s fucking saying something honestly. 

But whatever everything is fixed and you go home and everybody’s fine with Angry One walking around and then he disapears again and you’re like 98.6% sure that he never kissed Yellow which means that he’s gonna come back dramatically at some point. but its okay, because now you can chill. now you can relax. now its over, thank the lord and savior. But then you remember that Yellow is still around. 

And then you remember that means that the savior of the universe is a genin. So like. Time for him to study for his exams, I guess. Also you’re Hokage now

part 1     Index

[transcribed because no matter what I do, the images end up blurry]

“Oh great, oh great. Now we have no light. Good job breaking the lamp, moron.”

“Who you calling moron? You’re the one trying to grab the lamp away… moron-er!”

“That’s not even a real word!”

*clatter*

“What was that?”

“Augh, it’s the lamp! The lamp is going to explode!”

“Lamps don’t explode, you dummy!”

*various banging noises*

“Get. Off. My. Arm. Now.”

“We’re gonna die, we’re gonna die, I’m so young, I don’t wanna die…”

“Shh, I think it’s stopped.”

*hsssss…*

“Do you hear… snakes???”

“Listen, you two make a run for it while I hold off the snakes. If I don’t make it… remember I love you guys!”

“We met literally just this morning.”

“Yo.

“I am the Djinni of the Lamp.

“Who dares to summon me?”

part 3

Apparently there are a few characterizations points that WILL make me hit the back button on a fic very quick no matter how much i’m enjoying it.

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Naruto Manga cover chapter 51

Someone who's good at drawing PLEASE draw Kakashi wearing this hat 🙏