Codependent Quotes

“I HOLD

If I could have had
him,
I could have let
him
go.

But without
the having
there was
nothing—
so to the nothing
I
hold.”
― Coco J. Ginger

“A POCKET-SIZED GIRL

He keeps me in his pocket
for a rainy day;
he swears I'm not an object
as he yo-yo's me away.

A friend is what we'll call it,
but my friend, he does not know,
each time it rains I love him—
so to his pocket, I must go.

He thinks he's being clever,
but I am not a fool;
his love ain't worth a penny,
so to my heart I must be cruel.”
― Coco J. Ginger

“MY MOON

I'll always wonder what time it is there; if you're dreaming, or awake. My moon is your sun; my darkness, your light.

I'm in the future, you'd jokingly say.

And I know where you are, because I'm watching you from the past.”
― Coco J. Ginger

“Problems arise when people act as if their "boulders" are daily loads, and refuse help, or as if their “daily loads" are boulders they shouldn’t have to carry. The results of these two instances are either perpetual pain or irresponsibility.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Once they have been affected---once "it" sets in---codependency takes on a life of its own. It is similar to catching pneumonia or picking up a destructive habit. Once you've got it, you've got it.

If you want to get rid of it, YOU have to do something to make it go away. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. Your codependency becomes your problem; solving your problems is your responsibility.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“WORTHY


If you ever decide to feel— feel this:
I love you. I always have. I always will.

Not because you're charming, beautiful
or lovable.
But because I choose you.
Everyday I wake up and I choose you—
again, and again, and again.

But if you cannot feel, and if you never
feel this, then know:
I do not love you. I never have. I never will.
Because you're not worth my love.

(Come back my love, I am drowning.)”
― Coco J. Ginger

“7am

They said that I’d forget you,
and I knew it wasn’t true.
But sometimes I wake up now,
and my heart’s no longer blue.

I press the Keurig button,
dancing across the room—
Sometimes it’s nearly seven,
before I’ve thought of you.

And though we sleep together,
all night side by side,
one day I’ll have my coffee
without you in my mind.”
― Coco J. Ginger

“But perhaps the enthusiastic sensibility of young women of her age also played a role. This feeling sought release at every opportunity, and with it Grete now felt tempted to want to make Gregor's situation even more terrifying, so that then she would be able to do even more for him than now.”
― Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

“There's always something in it for the person who is allowing to be taken advantage of." Psychotherapist David in Type 1 Sociopath”
― P.A. Speers, Type 1 Sociopath - When Difficult People Are More Than Just Difficult People

“Detachment is not a cold, hostile withdrawal; a resigned, despairing acceptance of anything life and people throw our way; a robotical walk through life oblivious to, and totally unaffected by people and problems; a Pollyanna-like ignorant bliss; a shirking of our true responsibilities to ourselves and others; a severing of our relationships. Nor is it a removal of our love and concern... Detachment is based on the premises that each person is responsible for himself, that we can't solve problems that aren't ours to solve, and that worrying doesn't help. We adopt a policy of keeping our hands off other people's responsibilities and tend to our own instead. If people have created some disasters for themselves, we allow them to face their own proverbial music. We allow people to be who they are. We give them the freedom to be responsible and to grow. And we give ourselves that same freedom. We live our own lives to the best of our ability. We strive to ascertain what it is we can change and what we cannot change. Then we stop trying to change things we can't. We do what we can to solve a problem, and then we stop fretting and stewing. If we cannot solve a problem and we have done what we could, we learn to live with, or in spite of, that problem. And we try to live happily — focusing heroically on what is good in our lives today, and feeling grateful for that. We learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more.
Detachment involves "present moment living" — living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“There's always something in it for the person who is allowing to be taken advantage of. - Psychotherapist David in Type 1 Sociopath”
― P.A. Speers, Type 1 Sociopath - When Difficult People Are More Than Just Difficult People

“[Reactionaries] Just feeling urgent and compulsive is enough to hurt us. We keep ourselves in a crisis state...ready to react to emergencies that aren't really emergencies. Someone does something, so we must do something back. Someone says something, so we must say something. Someone feels a certain way, so we must feel a certain way. WE JUMP INTO THE FIRST FEELING THAT COMES OUR WAY AND THEN WALLOW IN IT.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“It is in no way, shape or form your cosmic duty or responsibility to take away the pain of other people. This is because by absorbing the pain of others, you are depriving them of a vital element of their spiritual evolution and karmic responsibility.”
― Mateo Sol, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

“The narcissistic mother cannot give her child unconditional love. She’s not capable of being self-less, devoted, warm, mature, or attentive to you. Instead, everything is about her. Life revolves around meeting her unrealistic, immature needs. She expects your undivided attention. Your admiration. Your praises. Your loyalty to her. She demands you to meet her needs no matter how ridiculous they can be.”
― Dana Arcuri, Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, Soul Rescue: How to Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse & Heal Trauma

“A WISH

Sometimes I wish
that he will live
and I will see him.

But mostly I wish
that he will die, and take
my memories with him.”
― Coco J. Ginger

“It's so exhausting, so mentally and emotionally draining when you care about a drug addict and they never miss an opportunity to disappoint, manipulate or hurt you.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, Bad Choices Make Good Stories - Finding Happiness in Los Angeles

“As empaths, we are not here to be sponges or enablers. We are here to be helpers, guides, and supporters.”
― Aletheia Luna, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

“If I am this capable of loving an alcoholic so much, imagine how awesome I could be at loving myself.”
― Grace W. Wroldson, So You Love an... Alcoholic?: Lessons for a Codependent

“It wasn't so much about breaking free of him, as it was about breaking free of me.”
― Grace W. Wroldson, So You Love an... Alcoholic?: Lessons for a Codependent

“I was dating the same man over and over again, expecting a different relationship. Where's the sanity in that!?”
― Grace W. Wroldson, So You Love an . . . Alcoholic?: Lessons for a Codependent

“It is very likely that men who are more gender role identified would never be seen as codependent because so many of their gender role traits are “normal” for an avoidantly attached codependent. Men with gender role conflict may pre-sent as more anxious, in general, and are more likely to be identified as codependent.”
― Mary Crocker Cook, Codependency & Men

“Anne declared that if Sarah abandoned her, "I swear to you I would shut myself up and never see a creature.”
― Anne Somerset, Queen Anne: The Politics of Passion

“Like all the other defense mechanisms, delusion is invisible to us, making it a serious problem: we don't know we are deluded. We live in an unreal world based on our delusions, but we see that unreal world as reality. Because we can't afford to hear the facts about our lives as they really are, we often get very angry with people who try to point out any fallacies in our delusions. This position leaves us very vulnerable, since both reality itself and anyone with a strong sense of reality tend to threaten the view we have of our world. People in delusion tend to isolate themselves from those who might reveal the truth about their lives.”
― Pia Mellody, Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives

“The stuff I read about codependency in the 90’s really mucked me up. Don’t get me wrong, I needed it then, no doubt. And I don’t regret learning to take care of myself and be independent. Maybe I just overlearned it. I went from a meek care-taker to being an independent, shout it from the roof tops, woman who needed no one.”
― Paula Heller Garland

“Take it from me, all dependent relationships with drugs and alcohol end in divorce or death.”
― D.C. Hyden, The Sober Addict

“Sure, you love him. . . but is it time to love yourself MORE!?”
― Grace W. Wroldson, So You Love an . . . Alcoholic?: Lessons for a Codependent

“Your partner is a person, they’re not your fucking property.”
― Curtis Tyrone Jones

“I'd throw kisses
while they'd throw banana peels
at my feet...
Trained monkeys!

Still, I'd wrap myself
around their thumbs...
when they weren't sucking them!

-from 'Jane of The Jungle”
― Casey Renee Kiser, Confessions of a D3AD Petal

“We'd fight, and then hours later, when everything settled, we'd forgive each other. We'd sit side by side in our chaotic world, knowing that, as shitty as our monsters were to each other, they were also connected. They understood each other. They were just as comforted by each other as they were triggered. We'd become enmeshed. Codependent. We also hadn't told anyone what was happening because we were afraid we'd be told to separate. We could deal with a lot, but we couldn't bear being without each other.”
― Karie Fugett, Alive Day: A Memoir